Give Arias Death, Already.

By ThinkGoat

Here We Go Again, Arizona  “Longevity runs in my family, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my natural life in one place,” Arias told MyFoxPhoenix.com. “I believe death is the ultimate freedom and I’d rather have my freedom as soon as I can get it.”

What’s the fucking holdup?

Small Children Found Duct-Taped Inside a Burning House

By LadyJustice

Guadalupe, Arizona  Police are trying to figure out why 3 children were in a house when a couch catch fire and, more importantly, why 2 of them were bound with duct-tape.

Matthew Douglas Hicks Gets Busted for Exposing His…….Intelligence

By ThinkGoat

Glendale, Arizona  / Ouachita Parish, Louisiana I don’t care what your party stories are, nothing can compare to Matthew Hicks’ tale. Period. Or at least what he can remember of it, which is just enough to award him with the Dude trophy.

Found wearing only a pair of rubber boots some 1300 miles away from home, police responded to a 911 call and apprehended Matthew Hicks (32) walking toward the road. I surmise, just by the sheer nature of being all nekkid, they were certain they had their man.

He couldn’t recall why his car was towed, nor how he landed at the home of the lady who called the police, but he did know he was from Glendale, Arizona and well, decided to make the best of a confusing situation.

While looking out your window and seeing some stranger lathering himself up and bathing in your swimming pool may be a tad strange, seeing that same stranger humping your glass door isn’t that far out there. I mean, who hasn’t done it at least once?

Authorities state Hicks admitted to bathing in the swimming pool and when asked about the lewd acts with the door, his response: “She saw me?” Dude. You were attempting to hump a glass door, of course she saw you. And she was unamused. And a bit disturbed.

Humpty Dumpty was charged on one count of exposing his genitals in public and one count of trespassing.

Leonard Salcido Knows How To Throw Off The Scent

By ThinkGoat

Tuscon, Arizona I’ve always wondered about the stigma attached to the those who’ve gotten busted for drugs…wondered how they’re viewed by their buddies. Is pitty taken upon these idiots: “Oh dude, you got busted? Dude, that sucks.” Or is it more of, “Dude, did you talk?” Are they shunned for their remaining free time – now an outcast to the outcasts? It may work both ways for a lot of these asses who decide to run drugs but for this poor bastard, I can pretty well guarantee his bust will be viewed as one well deserved. For those of us opposed to running drugs, we’ll chalk it up to another one of society’s finest off the street. To any stoner on the planet, they’ll view this guy as someone who not only got busted but who tried to smuggle almost a quarter of a million dollars worth of the shit – in shit.