Steven Frederick Molin Encounters a Speed Bump

By ThinkGoat

Worcester County, Pennsylvania I’ve some friends who’re wonderful with situational fabrication. Upon listening to them, I know they’re completely full of shit but the tale is so awesome I find myself pretending it occurred right along with them. Then I have friends (they’re in the minority) who lack this talent. When they spin their story, it’s painfully obvious they’re trying to get me to believe their crap. And because I’m not one to accept being force-fed bullshit, I enjoy the little cat and mouse game. I sit and listen until I’ve allowed them to arm me with enough inconsistencies that I start pelting them with questions to hear how they dig themselves out. It always ends up the same way:  a change of subject. Are we really so apt to believe everything that comes out of someone’s mouth or have we become so detached that we just don’t really listen to ourselves or anyone else now? Because surely, if some people did listen to what spilled out of the gaping hole in their face, they’d take a vow of silence. This little “pull up” comes a bit late for Steven Molin who once again has proven it’s best to be thought an idiot than to open the mouth and remove all doubt.

September 1, close to midnight, Steven Molin (58) was driving his 85-year-old mother along Carey Road in Maryland when something went terribly wrong. Steven glanced over and noticed his mother was gone. Not “dead” gone, but missing from the seat gone. When one is faced with a tragedy, it’s hard to predict what they’ll do and in Steven’s case, he threw the car in reverse in an attempt to solve the mystery. Of course he ran over his mother.

Exactly what was going on in that empty head of his is unclear. It’s fairly hard to assume he would believe someone had apparently placed a speed bump there in the minute or so since he last covered that stretch of road going forward. If he had indeed thought this, it might explain how his mother was run over a few more times. Maybe he thought they’d placed a speed bump that only appeared while going in reverse so he put his car into “drive” and tested the theory. Nope. It’s now there while going forward. Maybe it’s just imagined…let’s try reverse again. Weird. Still there. Okay, forward one more time. Whoa. How crazy. Now, where’s momma? I can’t wait to tell her about this shit.

Crash scene re-constructionists took a little look around and what they came up with, coupled with the fatal injuries of momma Emily, authorities didn’t exactly believe Steven’s incredible story of suddenly missing his mother in the vehicle and accidentally running over her. Especially given the fact he only copped to doing it once. He didn’t think this one out very well. A better explanation would have been his mother had developed some strange reflex malfunctions that only presented themselves when extremely tired. Before he realized she was about to have one of her “fits”, her arm spazzed out thus opening the door of the moving vehicle and as she toppled out he reached for her taking the steering wheel with him and subsequently ran over her. The vehicle, which held some of the same personalities as “Christine”, had never approved of the wicked ways of the lady of the house and started revving the engine and switching gears rapidly, rendering him completely powerless and his mother dead. Or he should have used my speed bump analogy. Anything would have been better than the hog shit he used.

Steven Frederick Molin has been charged with first degree murder, second degree murder, and manslaughter. Fortunately for him, lameness was not added – he surely would be facing a life term for that alone.

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