♪♫Oh, Pervs Just Wanna Have Fun♫♪

By: Deadmyron

Brooklyn, IL: I’m learning all sorts of interesting things about Illinois. Good thing, too, because I may be moving there. Did you know there were two towns named Brooklyn in Illinois? One is in Schuyler County…it’s just a little unincorporated village. The other is in the dreaded Metro East across the river from St. Louis. It soon became evident to me that the Brooklyn in Metro East is a fuck-hole. In 2000, the census showed 676 souls, but the streets are lined with strip clubs and bars. Nothing fancy here, folks. It is where prostitutes go when they get too skanky for the big city. It’s dangerous enough to hire a prostitute, let alone some toothless, scabby sow with a crotch that looks like the inside of a dog’s mouth.

Dennis Iagulli and James Pierson – You Just Don’t F**k With That Kind of Evil

By ThinkGoat

East St. Louis, Illinois Number 1, avoid East St. Louis like the plague. You’ll immediately know you’re there because, like Lewis Black describes North Korea, it’s so evil the color has completely been sucked out. And the monkeys from the Wizard of Oz live there. Think I’m kidding? Test me if you dare. It’s not a good place. Now even though downtown St. Louis proper is cool, there are still places there that creep me the fuck out.

St. Louis is built on the banks of the Muddy Mississippi with the downtown area right along those banks. It’s really a neat place to walk around – parts of the riverfront have been completely restored into quaint little restaurants and shops. But right next door to those restored beauties are abandoned warehouses that look as though they’ve housed some form of torture chambers. And running walking past them, I could swear sometimes if my heart wasn’t pounding a deafening beat in my eardrums, screams could be heard. And guess what? It turns out I’m a psychic. Those freaky little mini-movies that have played out in 3-second segments in my mind came true in one East St. Louis warehouse.