Batting Practice!

By Riverfreak

Ahhhh…cohabitation bliss on a lovely September day in rural Saginaw County, Michigan. That is until Justin L. Thomas allegedly decides to do a little batting practice with an aluminum bat using the mother of his two children as the ball. Stacy Westendorf, age 25, was found dead on September 21, 2014 in their rural home due to blunt force trauma. Thomas was arrested at a local salvage yard (recycling that bat!? – go green!) and charged with first-degree premeditated murder along with carrying a dangerous weapon with unlawful intent. The couple have (well, they used to have) two children, ages 2 and 5. It has yet to be determined if the children were at home at the time of the murder and won’t they have some wonderful childhood memories! Should Mr. Thomas be convicted he faces life in prison without possibility of parole. I’ll bet his new friends in the slammer will be happy to let him play ball with them. 

Julie Bass of Oak Park, Michigan is Facing 93 Days in Jail for Planting a Garden in Her Own Yard!

Julie Bass' house, complete with vegetable garden.

By LadyJustice

Oak Park, Michigan-Since the city dug up this lady’s yard to replace sewer lines she decided that she’d make good use of the space in her yard by planting a nice vegetable garden. Julie figured that she was doing something good for herself that wasn’t hurting anyone else. However the city, and the moron Oak Park City Planner Kevin Rulkowski, see it differently.

Dr. David Tyler Montaldi Broke His Girlfriend’s Baby.

By ThinkGoat

Mount Clemens, Michigan Osteopathic medicine:  A system of medicine based on the theory that disturbances in the musculoskeletal system affect other bodily parts, causing many disorders that can be corrected by various manipulative techniques in conjunction with conventional medical, surgical, pharmacological, and other therapeutic procedures. ThinkGoat’s medical theory:  disturbances caused by breaking the skull affect other body parts. See? I don’t even have to be a resident physician to pull that shit out of my ass. Nor do I need to be a doctor to be certain a bullmastiff didn’t cause three to four skull fractures and tears to the vagina and anus of a 13-month-old baby girl.