Posts Tagged ‘Assault’

By ThinkGoat

Columbus, Ohio What in the world was she doing there? Did she have a key or pick the lock? Was the door even locked? What right does a relative have to just walk on in an apartment occupied by someone else and just take charge? If I were Fairrin Moss, I’d be highly ticked off at my sister. Not only did she invade Fairrin’s home, she found that pesky little 3-year-old locked safely away in the closet. (more…)

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By ThinkGoat

Seneca, South Carolina Police got lucky in a way when they responded to a 911 report of a burglary occurring at a private residence. Lucky because they didn’t have to look far for the “alleged” perpetrator. When they arrived, they found 31-year-old Noah Smith lying nekkid on the floor of the doorway, sunny side up. Their luck quickly ran dry when they thought this would be an easy apprehension. They learned a valuable lesson:  people who would break into a place buttass naked are probably not right in the head and one should proceed with caution. Me? I’ve covered enough of these stories to know “peeled” antics most often include drug use of some form. Which again, one should proceed with caution. Be prepared. And for God’s sake, carry elephant tranquilizer, tasers don’t affect these wild creatures. (more…)

By ThinkGoat

Fullerton, California When I came across this little story I immediately started reflecting on hilarious but somewhat gross times on my old college campus. I’m sure you all have witnessed similar situations, perhaps even been among the unfortunate. Back in those days, we could actually smoke in buildings…way before the tobacco Nazi’s came in and ruined everything. Anyway, the scene is set: lots of drinking, lots of smoking, very few ashtrays to go around. Abandoned or empty beer cans were often used as a replacement, or plastic cups with a swallow or two of beer left in the bottom. By this time of evening, the conversations were intense and loud because everyone knows the ability to hear oneself speak while intoxicated is damn near impossible. It rarely failed, someone would be so adamant about convincing a group of people they had all the answers while grabbing their beverage without looking, taking a big gulp, only to find it was someone’s ashtray after it was way too late. Sometimes they’d puke. Sometimes they wish they’d puke. It was usually after finding out they’d just swallowed a mouthful of someone’s spit. Everyone else would laugh their ass off but I can pretty much guarantee those containers were never maliciously planted. And I can also pretty much guarantee none of those containers were blatantly jacked off in and served. (more…)

By:  Deadmyron

Gaithersburg, MD. Here stands little Mikey Edwards in the Giant grocery store in Gaithersburg. He’s got his little shopping basket on his arm. He’s got…well fuck it, you see what I’m getting at, right? He looks like your typical American male getting ready to do some shopping for his ailing mother, or perhaps picking up some cold medicine for a sick child at home. Actually, Mikey has a much more sinister mission. He’s waiting for his next victim. Now, I sometimes read about a criminal and wonder what the fuck is this person’s motivation. This is one such story. (more…)

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By Thinkgoat

Brooklyn, New York These are some serious questions for our female readers: What would you do if you suspected your husband fathered a child with someone else? After the initial beating to a bloody pulp, the crying, the beating to a bloody pulp, the screaming, and the beating to a bloody pulp, do you seek therapy? Just short of performing a Bobbit, do you threaten him with some sort of surgical procedure that will guarantee this sort of thing will never happen again? Or, do you sit down with him and rationally start to plan for the future of his bastard spawn? Really, any one or a number of these reactions are normal and/or would be condoned by me…but when the reaction is “must kill that fetus”, well…that pretty much border lines on ‘that bitch is just crazy’. (more…)