Deangelo Mitchell Has a Case of The Funky Butt and a Dead Brother

By Thinkgoat

Charleston, South Carolina  This story has no hidden meaning. As a matter of fact, it’s case in point why most of you are lying when you tell your sibling or your best friend you’d do anything in the world for them. I don’t know if it was because of the approaching holidays, because of loyalty, or because Wayne thought the sun rose and set in his brother’s ass, Deangelo pretty much called him to the carpet and Wayne was forced to eat his own words.

The two brothers were pulled over by police for driving with a broken headlight and for some reason, the cops suspected drugs may be in the car.

Deangelo (23) and Wayne (20) were placed in handcuffs, set in the back of the police cruiser while their vehicle was searched.

And this is when shit got a little weird.

I know things have changed since I partied like there was no tomorrow and I know for a fact, idiots are becoming more idiotic, but I just can’t imagine transporting drugs and not checking to make sure everything on the car is working right – like the fucking headlights. Another thing while I’m veering off-topic: Why the bloody hell would you, after smoking a bunch of pot with the windows up, approach a squad car, roll down your windows and ask the one person who can fuck your shit up, questions? Jesus.

Back to the boys. Apparently Deangelo had been in trouble prior to this and, as seen on the vehicle video below, he began freaking out a bit, telling his brother “You ain’t got no strike… I can get you out… I can’t afford another strike.” I imagine that was right after he’d worked his sphincter muscles, forcing that baggie of cocaine out and up into his butt-crack and started brainstorming on what his next plan was going to entail.

Does he try to ditch it in the cop car and take chances of whether the cop would believe him when he swore on his momma’s grave the drugs weren’t his or would he hatch another idea that’d be sure to keep him out of prison?

You guessed it, he opted to go with the latter.

In the video below, you can see Deangelo right after he removed the coke from his pants (the video was edited and they didn’t include the actual deep reaching) and you can see Wayne accept the hand-off. And knowing exactly where that baggie had been didn’t make poor simple Wayne hesitate for a moment when he stuffed that warm package into his mouth, chewed it up, swallowed, and lastly, professed his love for his brother.

I thought I understood love. I really thought I had a grasp on what it meant to do anything in the world for someone. I don’t know shit because I promise you, even if it were the worst situation imaginable, there’s no way in hell I’m sticking anything in my mouth that’s been up someone’s ass. I don’t care how hard you plead, it simply isn’t happening.

Wild Wayne started having a few issues soon after ingesting the coke. He started complaining of not being able to breathe and I imagine, started to get a little antsy. When the police approached the car, Deangelo, being the quintessential protector of his little brother quickly volunteered the face that Wayne ate the drugs but he failed to mention all the details. I mean, did they really need to know he shit them out in the back and convinced his simple brother to ignore the stank? I think not.

Despite being rushed to the hospital, Wayne Mitchell died.

Police awaited the toxicology report before learning the exact cause of death and by the time they had that information, Deangelo had bonded out of jail on the drug charge. Now he’s got an involuntary manslaughter charge awaiting him.

Until this story, I had always thought the old lady who fell through the rotten boards in her outhouse and drowned was a shitty way to die. I think she now has a close contender.

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