Cynthia Palmer Takes A Little Trip

By ThinkGoat

Calvert City, Kentucky The rigors of being a mother of two small children can prove to be extremely trying at times. A good parent sucks up the stress, doesn’t abuse the children in any way, and starts a countdown until bedtime; the time for peace and quiet, the time to relax and melt the stress right off. And what better way to achieve it than letting Calgon take you to some lushly green paradise that happens to have a bathtub plopped down at the perfect location. This story takes place in Kentucky, though. A place not exactly known for people with refined tastes or imaginations. So let’s substitute transporting to Costa Rica for … say … Fort Campbell. And let’s substitute the soothing nature of dissolved bath salts in water to say … snorting them for a quicker transformation. Let’s keep the two children in there for some added excitement. No story is quite so exciting if you don’t have a couple of munchkins to keep the hallucinations real.

Cynthia Palmer, a 29-year-old mother with a plan, gathered up her two youngins, snorted a little bath salts, and took off on Interstate 24 in Kentucky, heading to Fort Campbell. Normally this trip would take a little over an hour to drive. Normally. This is Crime Crawlers and this is Kentucky.

Allegedly Cynthia, hallucinating her ass off from this synthetic cocaine, decided driving along I-24 was a little more than she bargained for. So she pulled her car off this busy interstate, grabbed her two children (ages 5 and 2), and proceeded to walk across the roadway onto the median on her quest to arrive at Fort Campbell.

Funny thing about dealing with people having hallucinations:  you never quite know what they’re thinking. Take it from me. I’ve been there a time or two. Tripping people rarely communicate their thoughts succinctly. They’re often augmented with fits of laughter or bouts of extreme paranoia coupled with a freak out to beat all freak outs. The one thing about dealing with tripping people, they only temporarily lose their minds, they rarely lose their “material” possessions. Those “things” become an obsession of sorts and if an item is discarded during the trip, that decision isn’t made lightly. We’re talking lighters and stuff like that. But I’ve never babysat a tripper who’s lugging around a couple of kids.

Somewhere along her journey, Cynthia dropped her 2-year-old. Another thing about tripping people…when they’re on a mission, little impedes their desire to see it come to fruition, which apparently could explain Cynthia’s mindset. When she dropped her youngest child along this incredibly busy stretch of super-highway in the dark of night, she left him lying there, picked up her 5-year-old and continued on her journey. (I don’t know what the hell she was desiring in Fort Campbell but suffice it to say, she was hellbent on getting to it)

Apparently, several motorists decided to be proactive and call the Marshall County troopers and when they responded to the general location, they found the 2-year-old lying on the inside edge of the westbound lanes with some head trauma, presumably sustained from his fall. Further up the interstate, they found Cynthia stepping it off with the more physically fit and less needy of the two: the 5-year-old.

She admitted to snorting the bath salts, taking off in the direction of Fort Campbell, hallucinating to the point of needing to stop her car (you know, safety first), dropping the smaller package, and trudging on.

Her youngest was taken to the hospital for treatment of his head injuries, the 5-year-old was taken into protective custody, and momma was taken to the poky.

Charged with 1st Degree Assault, 1st Degree Wanton Endangerment, and Public Intoxication, it’s fairly safe to assume Cynthia didn’t make it to Fort Campbell. And won’t for quite some time.

Note to those wanting a rapid transport to utopia:  read the labels carefully. The pictures on the boxes are just for advertising – you really don’t magically journey to another faraway land. The bath salts are to be dissolved into warm bath water in which one climbs in, closes one’s eyes, and if you don’t fall asleep and drown, you’re to feel like you’re being whisked away to some relaxing destination. And if you forgo the recommended directions and choose to snort them instead, jump in and out of a car with children in tow, be sure, if you’re dropping them like bread crumbs so you’ll find your way home, to take more than two.

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