Melissa Lee Williams’ Situation Stinks

By ThinkGoat

Jackson County, West Virginia Breaking one of my own rules, I decided this story was too fantastic not to feature even though it’s a month old and there’s been no new developments. I originally shot this story to Lazlo with great anticipation of reading his take on Melissa. But internet connections are unpredictable in Borneo. At least that was his explanation. I’ve not yet come to a conclusion what the hell he’s doing there – his messages are cryptic at best. When I’ve attempted asking Deadmyron for help decoding the messages, he recites some obscure alien controversy dialog, says the CIA is tapping his phone, and quickly hangs up. I thought about sending this story link to him but the last time I did that I got a 47,000 word essay on human sexuality that was so incredible I was sort of fearful about where he’d go with Melissa’s story. Plus, DM is still suffering from chronic pain from being probed a couple of months ago. Athena has been banned from the internet for the remaining 3 months of her stint at the convent. I thought about asking her to pen the article over whatever paper was available to her, (church bulletin, pages from Deuteronomy, etc) but the risk of her getting caught ended up out-weighing the hilarity of envisioning how the final product would look. In hindsight, Athena would have been the best option, just to see the words: “pussy”, “eat”, and “stench” coming from a holy institution. But instead, you all are stuck with me, who simply couldn’t let this story slip into a world of obscurity. Plus I just couldn’t get this chick’s mug out of my head. Nor her “situation”.

Bobby Perdue (William Defoe) in "Wild at Heart"

You know it’s going to be a great story when the residential addresses given are #10 and #14 Motor Inn. With that information, it’s really not a stretch reading that police responded to a domestic dispute. These places generally breed refinement in drunken brawls or “Deliverance”-type gatherings in broken-down motel chairs out in the parking lot. And although the pictures of the “victims” in this particular story haven’t been released, I can’t help but picture Bobby Peru (played by Willem Defoe) in David Lynch’s “Wild at Heart”.

As stated above, police responded to the Motor Inn around 6:30 on a Friday evening. The residence was being rented by Danny Ray Williams, Melissa’s estranged husband, who had good buddy James Watson over for a visit. The domestic disturbance wasn’t between the two men but happened a short time after Danny’s wife Melissa, decided to walk out of her abode and down four doors to pay them a visit. Responding authorities stated all three subjects appeared to be intoxicated and smelled strongly of alcoholic beverages but that’s not really what caused the altercation. And no matter how strong the smell of alcohol may have been swirling around in that quaint little room, it wasn’t nearly enough to save James nor enough to gain Melissa what she was after.

Now, if you’re a couple who’s “estranged” from one another, there’s got to be some reason that led you to that particular status. I’ve had a couple exes whom I would rather take a poker in the eye than have to hang out with them for more than a minute. I think that was more than likely the case with Danny. He had a severe case of, “been there, done that” when it came to fulfilling Melissa’s wishes that fine evening. So when sexy Melissa came barging in his room, got undressed and said, “eat my pussy”, Danny begged off. James … well… he made the opposite decision.

I’m not quite sure how drunk a guy has to be when hanging with a buddy, who’s wife comes in and demands oral sex, and decides it’s a good idea to chomp her fur burger with him there. And how drunk must a guy be to not read the warning signs? If he’s not going to do it and volunteer to share, maybe – just maybe there’s a problem.

And there was.

Apparently James wasn’t trashed enough. As she got herself into prime receiving position, that’s  when it hit him. Like a train. One would safely assume it was Danny delivering that blow…having second thoughts about watching some buddy cozy up to his wife. But that wasn’t it. It was the smell. “As Watson approached Melissa Williams, he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams.” Hahaha*gag*hahaha. Yeah, he begged off too.

I don’t think there’s anything worse than getting all worked up for sexual escapades only to be left high, dry, and frustrated as hell. Most women in that situation would sulk and remember that time for blackmail. But not our beautiful and classy Melissa. She allegedly produced a lock-blade knife (from where – godonlyknows) and growled, “somebody’s going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat”. Kudos to Melissa for stressing the importance of her sexual appetite.

Who knows if it was the tenor of Melissa’s demands or the sound of the two men throwing themselves on the ground offering up their necks for the blade, but some divine intervention went down in that room. Thankfully, the police knocked upon the door just prior to a double homicide…or worse…someone having to eat that rotten sea-cow.

Due to corroborating evidence to the statements both Danny Williams and James Watson provided, Melissa Williams was arrested and charged with domestic assault and brandishing a deadly weapon. It’s unclear whether the deadly weapon was in reference to the knife or her snatch.

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