Bernard Howell Wanted To Save Her Family Burial Expenses

Posted: August 13, 2010 by thinkgoat in Abuse of a Corpse, Crime, Murder, Necrophilia
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

By ThinkGoat

Tenino, Washington Imagine being a policeman on patrol in a town of less than 1500. Not much goes on. Evenings are probably spent riding around busting people for stopping in the middle of the street to visit, running stop signs, and giving directions out of town for those who’ve stumbled in wishing to get out. Imagine being on patrol and getting flagged down and told something that was so unbelievable, you don’t know whether to laugh at the guy or get him committed into some mental institution. Especially if that guy were telling you something similar to, ‘I was on this trail and some kid stopped me and asked if I’d help him get rid of a dead body that was in his truck…” and as you’re listening, the guy looks up at a passing vehicle and exclaims something like: “THAT’S HIM”!

26-year-old Bernard Howell made no effort to thwart the examination of what was occupying the front seat of his truck. And as they moved the zipper down the side, there she was snug as a dead chick in a sleeping bag….a dead chick in a sleeping bag.

Victim Vanda Boone

I’m an advocate for clever explanations and I’ve yet to see any that haven’t already been used in some form or another. But my buddy Bernard may hold the lead for coming the closest. You see, 60-year-old Vanda Boone’s body just so happened to be where Bernard just so happened to be looking. And with her throat slashed and some blunt force trauma to the head, well Bernard thought he’d be the good Samaritan and dispose of the body…you know, to save her family the financial burden.

Bernard happened upon this body and decided he better pick up some supplies from home. He packed up some zip ties, the sleeping bag, and a 10-pound weight and thought the proper burial would be at sea. Well, more like “at swamp”. Perhaps he thought her family would approve. After all, burials at sea are kind of a romantic and a sentimental notion and well, it’s the thought that counts, right?

When Bernard Howell met the Washington court system for the first time (I imagine his arraignment), he decided to once again, explain his great intentions.

He did not kill her. He just found her, fucked her, then shoved her in a sleeping bag in preparation for her eternal rest at the bottom of the swamp. Or at least until whatever was tied to that 10-pound weight broke away to allow the rest of her bloated self float to the surface. Wait. Fucked her? Why did he admit to that shit? That’s nastier than slitting her throat, by all means. And I don’t think her family would appreciate that gesture. What was he thinking? (That’s rhetorical. I know damn well what he was thinking. This was the first broad he could screw without any complaints)

Bernard Howell has been charged with 2nd-degree murder and theft, (it’s believed he also stole the victim’s vehicle) and is currently being held on a $750,000 bond.

Bernard’s father, still reeling from the recent news of his son’s arrest and unnatural admission of screwing the dead, explains his son is a “regular American boy who got involved in a circle of drug users and snapped” and has “a screw loose”. Pops, I hate to tell you, regular American boys don’t go around allegedly slitting women’s throats then screwing their lifeless bodies, even while tripping on some good shit. I’m thinking he had some pretty deep and major issues and the drugs helped bring them to the surface. And as far as the loose screw, I believe it done fell out.


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  1. interesting says:

    TG, what is the deal with guys banging dead chicks these days? Are there not enough slutty Jerry Springer stripper types left in this world?


  2. thinkgoat says:

    I know! Isn’t it awesome crazy? It seems certain crimes go in cycles…this year it’s slashing throats and necrophilia. This was a combination of the two.


  3. thinkgoat says:

    The homicide victim found in the passenger seat of a 26-year-old Tenino man’s pickup Sunday night has been identified as Vanda Boone, a 60-year-old woman who had moved to the area from New York in March, according to her employer and Thurston County Coroner Gary Warnock.

    Boone died from having her throat slit, Warnock said. Blunt force injuries to her head and neck and asphyxia also contributed to her death, he said.

    Boone was a massage therapist at Radiance Herbs and Massage in Olympia, and she lived in the Yelm area. Karin Olsen, owner of Radiance, said Tuesday through tears, “Vanda was a massage therapist with Radiance and she was loved by all of us in the Radiance community.” She was, “also appreciated for the amazing body work that she did as a massage therapist and we will feel her loss deeply,” she said.

    Warnock said Boone has no known surviving relatives. She had a brother who lived in Brazil and died about a month ago, Warnock said.



  4. interesting says:

    I thought about it but decided writing a comment in regards to a “happy ending” would be inappropriate.


  5. ravenblackehart says:

    He is so screwed.


  6. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by RaVen Blackehart, Thinkgoat. Thinkgoat said: I hope his lawyer has a great time defending this crackpot. […]


  7. deadmyron says:

    What a dumb fuck! I mean border-line retarded. You don’t ask a complete stranger to help you get rid of a body. You get your cousin Jim, from Thunder Bay to help you.

    Kind of reminds me of a twisted version of Alice’s Restaurant.


  8. deadmyron says:

    After some thought, I guess it really has nothing to do with Alice’s Restaurant, does it?


  9. Lazlo says:

    @Interesting? Inappropriate? Here? Oh, man – now I really need to know what that comment was! You simply can’t leave us hanging like that.


  10. interesting says:

    Lazlo, you asked for it so here it is. Maybe the “happy ending” he got after a massage wasn’t good enough so he decided to knock this chick off and get the one he really wanted.



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