Jonathon Schoenakase Gets Shafted While Doing Good Deeds

By Thinkgoat

Quincy, IL Around all major holidays, (and I’m gauging “major” by the amount of alcohol consumed) one is likely to find an increase of Public Service Announcements regarding drunk driving. And I completely understand. Unfortunately it takes repeated 30-second advertisements drilling the motto: “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk”. Leading up to New Year’s Eve and St. Patrick’s Day, radio stations start running commercials informing their listeners of free rides home from the bar. The companies and organizations offering the free transportation are applauded for providing such a terrific service to the community, keeping those on the roads safe and saving the party-goers the huge expense of a DUI offense. Plus, it alleviates pressure on the local police forces and allows those on-duty officers a bit of time to do a little partying themselves. Haha. I’m only partially kidding. (watch this video brought to my attention by Deadmyron) Anywho. It should come as no surprise that any community would raise someone to hero status, who’d give their time to volunteer this free service on a constant basis. Well, anywhere but Quincy, Illinois.

Inspired by the death of a friend, Jonathon Schoenakase began to offer free rides home to patrons of bars in January of 2008. By the spring of 2009, the popularity of his free service prompted him to purchase a 2nd vehicle, much to the chagrin of Diamond Cab. So much so, they went to the city council and cried upon their shoulders. I mean, who the fuck does this man think he is, anyway? Doing something driven by principles and morals and not money. He’s obviously sub-human.

Note: there are two cab companies in Quincy, Illinois. Both close at midnight. There are approximately 95 bars/restaurants with a portion having 1am or 2am liquor licenses. So basically, if you don’t leave a bar by midnight, you’re fucked and targeted for a DUI. .

It’d be interesting (in an entertaining sort of way) to know just who’s dick the proprietor of Diamond Cab is sucking (you know, speculation). For real. Just how many licks does it take to get to the center of bureaucratic bullshit?

It must not be too many or perhaps it’s the case of some pretty fantastic head because the city council met and “altered” their definition of its limousine and taxi ordinance so it included the words “for hire”. Schoenakase was able to escape the previous ordinance because he operated his service for free but accepted donations. It’s interesting to note: this new “altered” ordinance would now make it illegal for anyone wishing to provide a ride – churches, election volunteers, etc.

The reason I chose this story to feature on Crime Crawlers is rare. This is one circumstance where I’m pulling for the “perpetrator” 100%. If “altering” the ordinance to appease some greedy assholes weren’t enough, the Quincy Police Department actually set up a fucking “sting” to bust him. A STING. Schoenakase picked up a plain clothes officer at a nightclub following complaints that someone was acting selflessly in this world. Police aren’t saying which company lodged the whine, but I think it’s pretty easy to surmise. So they arrested Jonathon Schoenakase.

Now, either the city and police officials in this screwed-up town in America’s heartland have it all wrong, or I’m completely fucked-up. Cause I think they should leave this Good Samaritan the hell alone and make sure he receives some kind of award for donating his time, his vehicles, and let’s face it, his nerve for putting up with the most obnoxious group of people on this Earth. Instead, he’s facing a jury trial starting in October.

And before you ask why he didn’t just apply for a license, he did. But that idea was quickly suppressed when Police Chief Rob Copley said he needed to clear up some outstanding legal issues. Like-fucking-what? Overdue public library books? Talk about a small town with some screwed-up priorities. Unless this man doesn’t have a valid driver’s license, no insurance, or is some kind of predator, I don’t see a reason in the world why anyone would want to stand in his way of wanting to provide a little more safety to that town.

Hopefully the jury will laugh hysterically at the prosecution and slap the dicks off of whomever’s bright idea it was to bring this before the city council for a vote. And if they slap hard enough, they should be able to dislocate the jaw of the owner of Diamond Cabs…you know, if it were in the proximity.

Good luck, Jonathon Schoenakase. And thank you for showing us there are still good people who do nice things.

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