Iowa City, Iowa This story immediately made me think about the lost art of “pick-up” lines. Now they’re all lame because they’re so unoriginal and stale. Then I thought back on a friend of mine who was king of opportunity and extremely quick on his feet. As we were standing out back of a local establishment, this made-up young girl in a tight short skirt and high heels started approaching the back door. My witty friend quickly met her at the door, jimmied his way between the girl and the doorway, looked her up one side and down the other, got a huge smile on his face and said, “how much?” She left. I laughed. Like I said, it’s a long forgotten art form. Now horny and lonely people have taken to non-verbal communications, which is an art in and of itself. We now have “come ons” in bathrooms that need no words – like in the case of the US Senator Larry Craig, who slid his foot under the adjoining bathroom stall playing footsie with the unsuspecting dude next door. Who knew that was nonverbal for, “hey, wanna get it on”? In my time, it meant, “hey, pass over some toilet paper”. Knowing that action could be taken a couple of different ways, our newest perp decided to take all the guess-work out of his intentions as he went looking for love in the mall’s restroom.
Who would be offended by this cute old man coming onto them? Well, at least one man did when he was washing his hands and happened to glance in the mirror to allegedly find Gilbert gazing upon him. With his pants unzipped. Waiting.
Perhaps Gilbert really had to go, had taken his dick out to squeeze it until the other guy had left the room. Performance anxiety. Yeah, that’s the ticket. But of course, if your need to piss has gotten to the point of needing to clamp down on the thing until you can make it to some porcelain, I doubt very seriously there’d be a smile on your face but rather a fierce grimace. And I doubt having to piss that bad would promote a hard-on nor the need to start wanking and winking. Which allegedly is what this 74-year-old did.
“Are you coming onto me?” the “victim” asked. And with that very distinct nonverbal means of communication, Gilbert continued to stroke his genius, smiled, and winked. It didn’t get him far. What’s with recipients these days? Have they no appreciation for creativity?
The “victim” contacted the police and Gilbert Garrett was questioned. He denied being in the restroom. Well, then he changed his story to being in the restroom but denied even having a dick. Okay, he didn’t really go that far in his denial but he did deny any wrong-doing. Perhaps he wasn’t aware there was something illegal about showing how one’s hand slides back and forth over an erect penis while smiling and winking at another man. In public. Maybe it’s legal in Nebraska, where Gilbert resides.
Gilbert Garrett is facing a charge of indecent exposure, “a serious misdemeanor”. By looking at his mug shot, I don’t think he’s all that worried about the charge. He looks pretty pleased with himself. I’m sure he’s tickled he can still get the fucker up and wankable.