Stevens Point, Wisconsin I don’t quite know where the hell I was when this story crossed the wire. Maybe it was when the pack of wild pygmies tore through my house kidnapping me. Don’t worry – that’s old news and it turned out for the best. I learned a lot from that hiatus. But it did remove me from any form of modern communication unless you count carrier pigeons and they seldom brought me any news regarding fuck-ups doing fucked-up things. This would explain why I totally missed Dillion Makuski the first time around. It’s okay Dillion, we’re still going to talk about the shitty thing you did in September.
Now I’ve heard of some fairly sick ways people like to get their rocks off but Dillion’s idea of feeling sexy is just a touch on the “fuck that” side of the fence.
Picture this if you will: a man hears someone trying to break into his home and goes to check it out. He finds Dillion in his basement. The homeowner subdues the asshole until police get there to arrest him. Don’t you know that was a long wait? And I imagine the homeowner, while pinning this fucker down, was asking all sorts of questions: “What were you after? My wife? My child? Our worldly goods?” And I can only hope Dillion was straight up with the dude and answered openly and honestly, “I just wanted shitty diapers“.
You see, Dillion here is a manchild. He likes to wear diapers. Dirty. Clean. I’m not sure it really makes a whole hell of a lot of difference to the mangy mutt. When the family’s trash can on the curb failed to produce his booty, he ventured into the trash in the garage and then broke in through the basement to find him some more. When cops arrived and took him into custody, he had 6 shit-filled diapers stuffed in his pockets. I wonder just how long 6 last him. And since he’s obviously larger than an infant, does he fix more than one together to wear or has he fashioned up some form of contraption that’d keep the nasty parts around his junk thus being held in place by some elastic waistband or something. Mainstream new sources completely suck – which is why there is a need for sites like Crime Crawlers. We will at least attempt to fill in those blanks.
Dillion Makuski was sentenced last week to 30-months probation and 200 hours of community service after being charged and found guilty of possession of burglary tools. He must also undergo a psychosexual evaluation. There are situations where it’d truly pay off being a shrink.
Let’s hope his community service hours aren’t mandated to a nursing home where his fondness for soiled diapers graduates to Depends. Of course, old people usually just piss themselves and the super absorbency of those things would be a deterrent. Plus old people usually are all stopped up in the poop department, aren’t they? Well if that turns out to be the case, at the very least, it’ll smell like home.