By ThinkGoat

Manatee, Florida Domestic disputes have to be a major pain in the ass for cops. I mean, how the hell does one go about sorting the “he said” “she said” shit out? Most generally the cops arrive and they’ve just walked into a situation where the woman is in hysterics and the man indignant. But every so often there is the case where it’s quite apparent the woman is the shit-stirrer and the husband/boyfriend has simply had enough and calls the cops to get the crazy cat out of his face. Such was the case with Amy Hager and her adoring husband. I’m left wondering if police got a warning from Mr. Hager: “Watch out, she’s got a shitty attitude”.

Quickly realizing 33-year-old Amy Hager was the aggressor in the dispatched domestic dispute, the Manatee police apprehended an unruly Amy as she was attempting to resist arrest. After placing handcuffs on her and placing her in the transport van, a decision was made to switch the bitch from handcuffs to leg shackles. Thinking this was a grand time to made her get-away, she “violently jerked away” from that arresting officer resulting in him pinning her to the back of the van. According to the cop, she then exclaimed, “You just made me (expletive) myself.” I may be wrong but I’ve had practice filling in those blanks…my guess is that word was “shit”.

I know I’m 99% correct because right after she yelled that, she allegedly reached into her shorts and flung that “expletive” at the cops, hitting one in the leg. I’m sure he’d agree with me…it wasn’t expletive she threw, it was shit. And it stuck to his leg. “Damn, I only hit one of you.” She was a shitty aim.

I don’t know why the cops got mad. There’s an old strip club where pigs gentlemen could secretly pay $50 and have some stripper lay a steaming hot turd on their stomach while watching. Maybe it was because at the time of the arrest, Amy looked like a washed up crack whore or something which left them not so horny. Who knows.

Deputies arrested Hager on charges of domestic aggravated battery, battery on a law enforcement officer, assault on a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest with violence, and resisting arrest without violence. She was being held in the Manatee County jail without bail.

I’m thinking, when she gets out of jail, her husband can build a nice cage out in their front yard and charge onlookers a small fee like the zoos do. After all, we all get quite the enjoyment out of watching those cute little monkeys flinging their shit at an unsuspecting person.


  1. deadmyron says:

    She was subsequently charged with ‘assault with last night’s dinner’.


  2. deadmyron says:

    God! Am I that anal that I have to write out a whole other post to correct a typo? Subsequently. There…guess so.

    Edit: Took care of it! =) TG


  3. shelly says:

    Sick, I mean really, who plays in their own shit?!


  4. Lazlo says:

    I hate it when they put the plexiglass up, and the shit just comes back at you!



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