Shafiq Mohamed “Bares” Witness

Posted: May 23, 2010 by Lazlo in Crime, Indecent Exposure
Tags: , , , , , , ,

By Lazlo

So yeah.

I’m Jealous.

Thibodaux, La I don’t know how many years I have beseeched the heavenly everything for some type of non-ambiguous conversation. Something along the lines of “Hey Lazlo, What’s up? I’m really here and you can stop wondering. Oh, and by the way – put the smokes down. They’re bad for your health.” Not too much to ask, right? All I get are sudden breezes or a cock crowing at day break. (No sports fans – I didn’t mis-spell crowing)

Then along comes some guy by the unlikely name of Shafiq Mohamed, who not only chats it up with the big guy, but gets instructions to boot. And being the obedient creation, promptly doffs his cloths and hoofs it down the street, bare assed naked.

Police in Thibodaux responded to a call early Thursday morning to investigate a complaint of obscenity. They found the vehicle first – parked in the middle of the road. Shafiq was spotted about a half block away, presenting as god outfitted him, with nothing on but a smile. He alledgedly told the officers that “America had raped him”, and that God had told him to walk around nekkid to save his soul. It must have happened as he was driving along; god just said “Hey Shafiq, I know the Great Satan has just ass-fucked you. You need to strut around town in your birthday suit to clean that shit away.”

And that was it! He stopped the car, stripped, and started struttin’. You don’t fuck around with the word of The Man. Unfortunately for Shafiq, God didn’t get the word to the cops. I am assuming that after they got done pissing themselves with laughter, and making derogatory comments on the poor bastards junk, they took him into custody, threw a blanket over him, and transported him to the jail for some more old-fashioned American style rapin’. Nobody said that doing God’s will was easy.

As of Thursday, Shafiq Mohamad was being held in lieu of a $5000 bond.


  1. Darling Violetta says:

    Similar things happened down south the night before Katrina hit. It was… interesting to say the least. When the police dispatch asked my co-worker for a description of the guy… “Well, he had pantyhose on his head, I think he’s young. And he’s hung like a horse”.

    People are interesting creatures.


  2. deadmyron says:

    Laz…I spend my entire school career trying to hide my penis from the scrutiny of others. What the hell is with all the people feeling compelled to show off their junk? I’m mean, I know the guy was entirely naked, but I’m assuming here that no one was talking about his pecs. Know what I mean. I can’t even get my wife to LOOK at mine unless I hang Christmas lights on it. Thanks for the laugh!


  3. Lazlo says:

    It was god’s will, DM. Gotta listen, or… you know what happened to Ray!


  4. Lazlo says:

    And do the Christmas lights work? Ima gonna try 😉


  5. deadmyron says:

    For God’s sake make sure you’re grounded!


  6. thinkgoat says:

    “God didn’t get the word to the cops”

    He seldom does



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