By ThinkGoat

Jacksonville, Florida The other day I was just preparing some of our readers for crimes that seem to experience an influx during the summer months. Since it’s been a little chilly here, I failed to realize things would be heating up elsewhere in the US. Particularly Florida. Oh how I love Florida. No, not for the beaches – they tend to be a little over-crowded. If it’s sun and sand I want, I head to the Gulf Coast of Alabama, my heart’s home. My fondness for Florida has everything to do with the people. They don’t just commit crimes, they excel in the act. And in Florida, they have no sense of proportion. Perhaps there really is something to getting “too much sun”. Naw, I don’t think so. I’ve lived on the beaches of Maui Hawaii and the Alabama Gulf Coast. I’ve soaked up plenty of rays. Not once have I ever gathered an arm full of clothes in Wal-Mart and pissed all over them (as in the story Lazlo featured) and not once have I ever carried a severed head in a bag…

I’m not sure what it was that led family members to the home of 43-year-old Jennifer Ling Sunday afternoon. Maybe it was because she didn’t show up for church. Maybe it was because her 21-year-old son did showed up without her. Perhaps it was because Jumar showed up with blood under his fingernails and cuts and scratches all over his face that tipped them off. I’m not certain but I can come pretty close to assuming family members were caught a bit off-guard when they entered the home and found Jennifer dead.

Now sometimes you can’t actually tell someone’s dead upon looking but I’m absolutely certain this family came to this conclusion without having to bend down and check her carotid pulse. In all honesty, they couldn’t really check it because … well… half the neck was missing. Along with her head. There are sometimes you happen upon a body that displays injuries that are inconsistent with life. Headless is pretty much one of those situations. (unless you are talking about Mike, the headless chicken who lived for 18 months as a headless miracle) I digress…

Can you imagine the mass hysteria?

It is believed Jumar murdered his mother Saturday evening. His father stated he saw his son after midnight and he already had those pesky tell-tale signs of ‘some shit goin’ down somewhere’. Jumar said he’d gotten into a fight with a gaggle of guys, I guess thinking, even though his parents were apparently no longer in a relationship, his father wouldn’t fully understand the real story. I know “I cut momma’s head clean off her body” may be a little difficult to swallow. (is that a poor choice of words?)

Police were fairly quick to piece the crime scene together with the help of some eye-witnesses who saw Jumar strutting for a few blocks into a field carrying a bag with something in it a little after 9pm Saturday evening. Dumb fuck. People are still out at that time. You don’t chop off your mother’s head, plop it in a bag, stroll through the neighborhood into a field, and return without the fucking bag…especially when you’re cut up yourself. I’m really surprised no one went to see what was in that bag that night. It wasn’t until the cops appeared that someone retraced those footsteps and recovered it. Pffft. It would have been better by the light of the moon instead of broad daylight.

Family members accompanied Jumar to the police station but when he learned he couldn’t merely chat it up for a while and split, he tried breaking out of the homicide office and had to be detained. Not only is he facing charges in murdering his mother and lopping off her noggin, he’s facing battery of a law enforcement officer.

I really hope it was momma who fucked up his face a little bit before she met her untimely death. But you know, it never fails – when your hands are covered in something funky, everything on your face itches. It wouldn’t surprise me if this idiot used the knife to take care of those…


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  1. Frankly Speaking says:

    “I cut momma’s head clean off her body” may be a little difficult to swallow. (is that a poor choice of words?)

    Anywhere else it would be. Here, written by you it is par for the course! That is why I keep coming back.


  2. crtial_rn says:

    I wonder if Jumar realized that the saying “rip off your head and shit down your throat” was a figurative phrase, not literal.



  3. Miss Bella says:

    Poor mama, she was probably holding out on his allowance.


  4. Moved to Rville on purpose says:

    Yikes, and my son and I got in an argument this morning!


  5. thinkgoat says:

    Well, I’m sure the act of slicing off her head with a knife was purely accidental. You know, things like that can happen in a blink of the eye. Maybe she was choking and he tried to perform a tracheotomy and his hand jerked…60 or 70 times…


  6. Zealant says:

    You can remove the savage from the jungle, but you can’t remove the jungle from the savage.


  7. peeperann says:

    Well said Zealant. (by the by, so happy to see you here! Have missed you much!)

    But dear Lord, What could his mother, his own mother have done to make him to do this to her??? I can’t see doing this to anyone but your own mother?


  8. Zealant says:

    She prolly flushed his crack down the toilet, or gave his hitter away, or was broke when he was needing a fix.


  9. zealant says:

    Ok. Lets see if I have an Avatar now.
    Good to see your name on the screen too, Peeperann. 😉



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