The Great Wal-Mart Commentary “Movement”?

Posted: April 24, 2010 by Lazlo in Disorderly Conduct
Tags: , , , , , ,

By Lazlo

Cape Coral, Florida  Ladies and gentlemen, there seems to be a grassroots tide rising across the nation. These people at first blush seem to be whacked out drunks or drug users, who lose control of both their minds and their bodily functions. But the truth beneath their sordid acts is a form of commercial and social commentary that hasn’t been seen since the likes of Chris Ofili’s contribution on London’s Tate Gallery’s steps. Christina Cifaldi enters the ranks as a new martyr for the cause!

You may have read one of my rare articles here involving an Ohio man who urinated on the meat counter in his local Wal-Mart. I posed the query at that time; “Is this some form of commentary on what Wal-Mart calls meat?” You all figured that I was reaching for straws! Trying to breathe some deeper meaning or outright media hysterics into what was an isolated, alcoholic binge driven incident.

Aha! Well, a second occurrence: (shall we call it Econo  Terrorism? Is it an anti-commercialist liberation front?): yes a second occurrence  has been reported in Florida, and this time targeting that wonderful Wal-Mart fashion!

It seems that a woman waltzed into the local chapter of the marketing icon, gathered up $163 worth of garments, and took them to the dressing room. It is alleged that she then proceeded to squat and pee on said clothing, leaving the pile for the hapless stock girl to discover later. Talk about your ninja style hits! Can’t come up with seal blood? No sweat! You have all you need to be a successful activist after downing a forty! And although these avant-guarde food and fashion critics haven’t graduated to actual human faeces yet, who can doubt that it’s next?

Our would-be terrorist was foiled and fingered by the man after making a fatal mistake (take notes here, you up and coming doers!)…She dropped her ID in the dressing room! Yes, our politically motivated, higher thinking protector of Mom and Pop shops everywhere, was brought down by failing to secure her license. (Note to the socially conscious: when on secret ops, don’t bring your ID!).

I’m sure this is the way it all went down. I can read between the lines, you see, and it is all starting to come together. Two incidents – states apart – same weapon of choice? Right? Right? You see it don’t you?

Or it could be that this lady(?) is just a truly fucked individual with some serious psychiatric problems, and a fear of public restrooms.

Christina Cifaldi, 22, of Cape Coral was charged with criminal mischief and property damage. She is free on a $500 bond.

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Comments
  1. thinkgoat says:

    “You have all you need to be a successful activist after downing a forty! And although these avant-guarde food and fashion critics haven’t graduated to actual human faeces yet, who can doubt that it’s next?”

    LMAO And if the perp is lucky, they’ll choose a forty that’ll induce butt gravy as well.

    Thanks for the great write-up Lazlo

    Like

  2. lamplighter says:

    New career move, Laz? Nice job!

    Like

  3. Darling Violetta says:

    How classy!

    Like

  4. […] once have I ever gathered an arm full of clothes in Wal-Mart and pissed all over them (as in the story Lazlo featured) and not once have I ever carried a severed head in a […]

    Like

  5. Frankly Speaking says:

    Hell I have seen people smelling clothes in stores. They better be careful because they may get a surprise oneof these days.

    Like

  6. Moved to Rville on purpose says:

    Have you ever seen the website ‘peopleofwalmart.com”? It is pretty nasty but danged if you don’t say to yourself “I think I saw that person at Walmart ….”. That’s great about her leaving her ID.

    Like

  7. thinkgoat says:

    Damnit R’ville, I went through over 40 pages of those pictures. They’re worse than most of the mug shots I feature on our Facebook page.

    Who the hell walks out of the house like that and think they look “hawt”?

    Like

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