Silverton, Oregon My son and I were having a conversation the other day regarding the fine line between being fucking awesome and being a fucking idiot. This discussion was prompted by a story I posted on Crime Crawler’s Facebook page – a 19-year-old chick asked for a ride home in the squad car after her friend was busted with a DUI and the car impounded. Everything went well until she dug in her purse and pulled out a Steel Reserve beer, popped it, and started drinking…in the back of that car. With a cop. Sure enough, that sound of breaking the seal of a can is unmistakable. And sure enough, she blew her chance of going home and instead, found herself getting processed. She was awesome for the first day. How many people can say they even attempted this? But that admiration quickly wore off as video was released and she was pathetically whining about the seatbelt being up her ass after she was handcuffed. Still, she managed to stay on that fine line. That is until this story came along. Hell, he made her plight seem like child’s play. Instead of trying to sneak a beer in the cop car, he eliminated the chance of the cop hearing him by taking the whole damn car.
You know how cops are – out patrolling and see another squad car sitting – what better way to pass the time than to exchange war-stories. And that’s just what State Trooper Jason Perrizo had in mind as he pulled up beside a marked Ford Mustang belonging to the Marion County Sheriff’s Office traffic team. Only, instead of an officer inside, he found 18-year-old Nikita N. Efimov Jr., passed out in the driver’s seat. But, where was the officer who belonged to that particular car?
As with many of our stories here, the next assumption would be the cop is in the trunk…that somehow Nikita had over-powered this fine officer while being pulled over. Perhaps it was the scenario of the kid making a get-away while being administered a field sobriety test – and taking off in the squad car that was idling. Maybe, just maybe someone hit both the cop and Nikita over the head, placed Nikita in the squad car while he was unconscious in order to frame him as payback for stealing his shirt from the gay bar. Am I wrong? That shirt is plain queer.
Sorry to disappoint my little crawlers here. None of those explanations panned out in this story. It appears out little comrade saw this particular vehicle sitting outside the sheriff deputy’s house and thought it’d be an ingenious idea to take it for a drunken spin. It was a Mustang, sure beats the hell out of a Crown Victoria, you know?
And a drunken spin it was. Prior to Officer Jason Perrizo trying to chat it up with his buddy, other patrol officers were looking for a white Mustang that was reported as driving erratically down Highway 214. What? The people who called to complain didn’t see the “SHERIFF” written down the side of the car? It’s a wonder Crime Stoppers has made it this far.
As you may well expect, the Marion County sheriff’s officials are now conducting an internal review…”We’re hoping to determine how it was stolen and if there is anything we can do to reduce the chance of it happening again.” I can save you a lot of time and brain power…don’t leave the fucking keys in the car.
Nikita Efimov Jr was charged with driving under the influence, stealing the car, reckless driving and recklessly endangering another person. Idiot or awesome? He’d be completely awesome in my book if it weren’t for that horrid shirt.
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