Robert T. Jenkins Pisses Off Wal-Mart

Posted: January 26, 2010 by Lazlo in Disorderly Conduct, Vandalism
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

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Canton, Ohio

By: Lazlo

So here is a quick story about a poor bastard that I can totally relate to. For those of you that know nothing about me, I used to have the tag of being a bit of a partier. I have tipped the occasional brew, and there have been times – and I know it comes a shock – that I may have tipped one or two too many. I have done some less-than-reputable things while intoxicated, much to my chagrin. My roommate awakened me once from a drunken stupor as I was about to defecate on a coffee table. Another friend of mine awoke to find this dude named Carter pissing in the wastebasket in his room. (Carter disavowed all knowledge of that event.) I have even been accused – unfairly and with malice – of urinating in a tent. (It was this guy named Levi that did that. That’s my story.)

The point to this rambling is that when people drink to excess, their capacity for place recognition diminishes slightly, and they find themselves doing inappropriate things that tend to upset the more sober-minded among us. Usually there is just embarrassment, or perhaps the requirement to find a new buddies house at which to crash. Robert T. Jenkins had the bad luck to mistake the meat counter at the local Wal-Mart for public facilities, and was, of course, busted.

The 21 year old Jenkins was arrested at 1:30 am on charges of felony vandalism and disorderly conduct. He allegedly pissed all over $600 worth of steaks. (At prices these days, that equals a loin and maybe a couple of porterhouses).  I am assuming that he was wasted, because the local authorities are refusing to say whether alcohol or drugs were involved. It could be that he just has something against South American beef, or perhaps meat processed to have a maximum amount of shelf life. Maybe it was social commentary on the prices of meat, caused by the use of food for bio-fuels, to prop up a lagging Agro-Business industry.  But by looking at the mug shot, and reminiscing on past experience, I say poor Bob was shit-faced. Whatever the reason, Mr. Jenkins is setting in the Stark County Jail in lieu of a 25,000 bond, and and sweating an impending Felony charge. Cops in Ohio have no sense of humor anymore.

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Comments
  1. thinkgoat says:

    Hahahahaaa! *ahem* Haahahahaaa!

    Like

  2. […] may have read one of my rare articles here involving an Ohio man who urinated on the meat counter in his local Wal-Mart. I posed the […]

    Like

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