Just How Would You Advertise This Pet Adoption?

Posted: December 10, 2009 by thinkgoat in Death, Just Messed Up
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By Thinkgoat

North Palm Beach, Florida Selling a product these days takes a great deal of ingenuity. You’ve got 40 cleaning supplies that all do the same thing – how do you get the consumer to walk into the store and pick yours off the shelf? Advertisers use jingles, packaging, and sometimes attach a celebrity to their product – they have no mercy. And if they can’t appeal to the consumer through clever and humorous ads, they prey on one’s emotional side. Take animal adoptions for example. Showing orphaned animals from the shelter is one thing, using Sarah McLachlan for the animal rescue campaign, playing the sad songs, showing the abused faces of those pets really pushes the envelope. If I weren’t a cold-hearted bitch, (and had limited space), I’d own them all. But due to the environment in which the dogs in this story were taken, I imagine it’s going to be a publicity nightmare trying to overcome the background and get these animals adopted into a good home…especially after they ate on their dead master for a week or so…

When authorities entered a home in an exclusive gated community, Captain’s Key, I imagine what they found was a little shocking. First off, the owner was dead…had been for a while. Secondly, his dogs:  a mother, a father and two pups had been cooped up there all alone. (not counting the rotting man, of course)

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Settle down - it's just a file photo...

The thing about animals, if they’re not fed and they become really hungry, they’re going to resort to extreme measures. When I lived in a larger city, my neighbors were meth heads and they had a big dog. I hadn’t seen them outside for a while until their pet broke through the front window to get out to look for food. They were there at the time but simply didn’t care to take care of the animal. These dogs didn’t resort to attempting an escape, they opted to gnaw and eat at the rotting flesh. I’m telling you, a decomposing body is bad enough when left alone to do its funktifying. Add in 4 dogs hungry as hell chewing into various parts of a swelling mound of flesh – well – you get the picture. I wonder which parts they went for first? I’m betting the belly. Of course, no pictures were released which is why I am here to attempt to paint a picture for you. I’ve been thinking about this all day.

Right now the dogs have been placed in a “no kill” animal shelter and because they seem to have a loving temperament, they will try to adopt the dogs out to a good home. Good luck there. “Oh Ginger is such a good momma. She ate up on her dead master to provide sustenance for her pups. She was even able to teach them to tear into and rip the human flesh from the skeleton.” Uh, no thanks. Dogs get all up in your face and want to lick on you. Fuck that. I don’t want any lapping tongue anywhere near my face that’s been licking up on spoiled blood and rotting skin. And if that weren’t enough, it has been proven it takes an arm and a leg just to feed them…


Email Thinkgoat:  thinkgoat2@gmail.com

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  1. absinthe says:

    “i’ve been thinking about this all day”

    and that’s why i love you.


  2. thinkgoat says:

    *muah* absinthe. I take great comfort in that!


  3. Lazlo says:

    “And if that weren’t enough, it has been proven it takes an arm and a leg just to feed them…”

    Groan! – Just couldn’t resist could you, LMAO


  4. highjeep says:

    at least i dont have to worry about the pugs–their preferable feed is kleenex,paper towels,pillow and animal stuffing,tampons(preferably used)and there is enough of all of this product in the house to keep them alive until someone misses me. oh shit that wouldnt happen until the
    IRS didn’t get their check.when i run over pug poop with the mower,it looks like a light snow has fallen-no shit!


  5. thinkgoat says:

    @ Highjeep Gives new meaning to reduce, reuse, recycle!

    So, when you’re finished mowing, do you ever try making a “snow”man out of that shit? That’d be awesome!


  6. FlamingFox says:

    *Note to self* Stop reading comments on Crimecrawlers when eating lunch.


  7. scorpiogril says:

    Holy shit, think, you are a twisted fucker aren’t you?



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