Posts Tagged ‘Florida’

Davis

By ThinkGoat

Corpus Christi, Florida In March of this year, Kevin Davis decided he’d run away from home, so he jumped on his bicycle and peddled his happy ass out of town. Riding along the railroad tracks, he decided to ditch his bike and his backpack behind some brush, walk up to the first house he saw, knocked upon the door and asked the poor residents to call the police because he’d just killed somebody. The most I ever get at my front door are Jehovah’s Witnesses and the pissed off neighbors.

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Dumb Fuck

Dumb Fuck

Lauderdale Lakes, Broward County, FL

It fucking amazes me how many ways people can find to be stupid, ya know?  Just when you think mankind has reached its pinnacle of stupidity, someone else comes along and raises the bar.  I’m starting to wonder if perhaps it’s some kind of esoteric competition that most of us aren’t privy to.  Somewhere there is probably a Bohemian Grove for losers like this idiot pictured above.  Admittedly, if I were simply perusing pictures and came across this shit hook, I probably wouldn’t give her a second thought.  I mean, she looks perfectly average to me.

Breona Synclair Watkins is a 19-year-old mother from Lauderdale Lakes, FL.  On or around September 23rd, Old Bre here was cruising Broward County in a 2005 Dodge Stratus accompanied by a 14-year-old minor and on the minor’s lap sat the 5-month-old infant of Watkins.  And they were driving around about 1 a.m., doing whatever stupid people do in Broward County.  They were probably having a good, old time…shooting the shit and…well…

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By Athena

Miami, FL A lot of men know the joys of being a father to little clones of themselves, especially when they’re two years old. The little rugrats are more than excited to learn what they can from their fathers. I mean, what kid wouldn’t want to learn how to hunt for dinosaurs, make fruit loop necklaces, draw pictures, catch a baseball, and learn how to box? Wait, boxing? (more…)

By Lazlo

St. Petersburg, Florida There is nothing in this world sorrier than a grown man crying about the consequences of his own dumbassery. I know we live in the era of “sensitivity” and all that happy horseshit,  but come on. If you are fucking up, be a man and take your beating. In Michael Dupree’s case, I mean that literally.

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By ThinkGoat

Miami, Florida It’s not often a regular old insurance executive from Florida gets to hook-up with Supermodel Christie Brinkley and it’s not unusual for this sort of news to hit the wires. I mean, she’s been through 4 marriages and 4 divorces, she’s still in great shape – inquiring minds with a finger on the pulse of entertainment news jump on these stories. Especially when there are little tid-bits of very personal details revealed such as:  “She doesn’t seem to enjoy it as much when we have sex.” “Maybe it is because I haven’t been as energetic lately, and that’s why she’s not enjoying it.” Poor guy. But why tell this shit to the veterinary worker? (more…)

By ThinkGoat

It’s been kind of a shitty news week (or two) from my perspective. Sure there’s been an abundance of asshattery occurring but I rather tire of the same stories over and over again. We’ve had mothers getting drunk and passing out while their babies are running nekkid in parking lots with knives, wandering roadways. (yes plural – there have been 3 stories hit this week featuring this phenomenon). We’ve had young chicks getting drunk pissing in cop cars, young chicks getting drunk pissing in taxicabs, copping attitude about the whole thing. Pictures reflect what cute things they are on their myspace pages with their mug shots attached to the right or left…and shit. Drunks just get fugly. Then there are these two mug shots. Their stories are noteworthy, yes. Their mugs, priceless. (more…)

By ThinkGoat

Spring Hill, Florida I have a younger brother by five years and I’m here to tell you there was no bigger pain in the ass than he. Whine, cry, tattle-tale and the little shit was always getting into my crap. And he never got into trouble for his antics because he was the baby. There were good things about having him around though. It allowed me to hone my “clever skills”. I constantly had to change-up my game as he became smarter and my will to not get caught became greater. I think those times were good for us both. Hopefully I helped shape who he hides deep within himself today, the non-neurotic cool guy. Or perhaps I helped contribute to the sniffling little brat he still is today – the one who sends me love letters saying, “you’re dead to me”. Either way, our sibling rivalry only went so far – hiding prized possessions on each other, etc. And I have to wonder if prized possessions were what the Eckards expected to find as their daughter said, “Mom, we have to dig up that hole. What’s in that hole?” (more…)