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Sheriff Schieferdecker Apologizes to “Little Fag Jew Boys”

schieferdecker

By ThinkGoat

Schuyler County Illinois Not knowing how the internet works, a Central Illinois sheriff decided the best way to learn was to just jump in head first. He would have chosen feet first but he’d not seen them in years. That’s really not important, the fact he was courageous enough is all that matters. We like that character attribute in those who’re sworn to protect and serve. But a funny thing happened on the way home to plow those fields in farmville after a long night of hunting the [ever so elusive] anhydrous thieves; thoughts of gay-Jewish guys flittered into his brain. And he couldn’t wait to sign onto his computer to opine. Or something like that. (more…)


Heather Ator Finds Herself a New Chew Toy

By ThinkGoat

Pittsfield, Illinois Some children are just dealt a shitty hand from the get-go. When some children should be off playing with other children, riding their bikes, climbing trees, they’re left having to worry about raising their parents. When some toddlers should be learning to walk, learning to talk, getting weaned from a bottle or pacifier, they’re instead having to teach their parents lessons on behavioral issues like: it’s not nice to bite. And society doesn’t look fondly on any parent who can’t seem to recognize their own need for a chew toy and instead uses the flesh of their children to satisfy the urge to gnaw. (more…)


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