True Crime Exposure

Posts tagged “Arrested

Timayo Knight Is Not One To Give The Stink-Eye

By ThinkGoat

Mobile, Alabama  There’s nothing that will make me homesick for the South quicker than a few pictures or a good story. I have a great love for the people in the deep South. I seized the opportunity to work with a number of true Southerners and gathered enough material to fill a book of short stories. I’ve neither scratched my head so much nor laughed so hard as I did while working with this “breed” of people. And they are a breed. Especially the ones who found their way under my guidance. I’m not sure if my upper management wanted to sink me or if they actually thought I could do something with some of these characters. Nonetheless, I seemed to end up with the most lively, 100% of whom were bussed in from Northern counties in the state, and all of whom brought with them daily woes of their extended families.

When I first read this story, a couple a days ago, I saw “Prichard man” and immediately looked at the name of the accused to see if 1.) he’d been employed by us or 2.) he was the cousin/nephew/son/husband of someone we employed. I was sort of disappointed to find his name was not familiar and extremely disappointed I’ve lost contact with my two favorite ladies down there so I could get their take on what transpired. I’m positive they know someone who’s given them the inside story here and I can almost see and hear Miss Mack standing there with her hand on her hip, rolling those eyes back in her head as she’s relaying the gory details. “Shit girl, that boy done dug his uncle’s eyes out. One at a time, girl. Dirtied up that spoon and everything. I ain’t eating off their shit no more.(more…)


Cynthia Palmer Takes A Little Trip

cynthia cc

By ThinkGoat

Calvert City, Kentucky The rigors of being a mother of two small children can prove to be extremely trying at times. A good parent sucks up the stress, doesn’t abuse the children in any way, and starts a countdown until bedtime; the time for peace and quiet, the time to relax and melt the stress right off. And what better way to achieve it than letting Calgon take you to some lushly green paradise that happens to have a bathtub plopped down at the perfect location. This story takes place in Kentucky, though. A place not exactly known for people with refined tastes or imaginations. So let’s substitute transporting to Costa Rica for … say … Fort Campbell. And let’s substitute the soothing nature of dissolved bath salts in water to say … snorting them for a quicker transformation. Let’s keep the two children in there for some added excitement. No story is quite so exciting if you don’t have a couple of munchkins to keep the hallucinations real. (more…)


Terrie Robinson Slow Cooks Her Son

By ThinkGoat

Greenville, Mississippi One of my greatest accomplishments was impressing a couple of black women with my culinary prowess in the deep South. Believe me, it’s a moment I’ll not forget for quite some time. These women took everything they did seriously, especially cooking. I’d spent months attempting to prove my worth as a supervisor with these two which was no easy task; I’d never folded a fitted sheet properly (strike one) and I’d never put a grit or a collard green in my mouth (strikes two – ten). So when it came to a potluck dinner, I kept my contribution a top secret thinking if it were a complete failure, I could ditch it and go to Piggly Wiggly or Winn Dixie and pick up a nice dessert. But I persevered and not only did I win respect in the kitchen, they shared a few tips in preparing the true Southern delicacies. I listened enthusiastically. I knew I’d never use a single one of them – I didn’t care for grits – I loathed collard and turnip greens – but the manner in which they spoke displayed sheer unadulterated passion for their time in the kitchen. As one would start to share, the other would nod in agreement and sing praises to the Lord. I learned how prideful the true Southern women were about their food and I learned a true meal is something that cannot be thrown together on a whim. It’s worked for, it’s lovingly prepared, and it takes a great deal of time. Which leads me to Terrie Robinson. As I write, I’m imagining the conversation I’d be having with Miss Mackannie and Miss Hannah regarding Robinson’s culinary contribution. I think it’s safe to say these ladies had cooked up just about everything under the sun but it’s equally safe to say I don’t think they’d ever cooked up one of their children. (more…)


Fairrin Moss Won’t Be Featured In Any Parenting Magazines

By ThinkGoat

Columbus, Ohio What in the world was she doing there? Did she have a key or pick the lock? Was the door even locked? What right does a relative have to just walk on in an apartment occupied by someone else and just take charge? If I were Fairrin Moss, I’d be highly ticked off at my sister. Not only did she invade Fairrin’s home, she found that pesky little 3-year-old locked safely away in the closet. (more…)


Mark Anthony Richardson Jr Is Wild At Heart and Weird On Top

By ThinkGoat

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Three yards of black fabric enshroud my computer terminal. I am mourning the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.

His obituary reads as follows:

Common Sense, aka C.S., lived a long life, but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was, his birth records were long ago entangled in miles and miles of bureaucratic red tape. Known affectionately to close friends as Horse Sense and Sound Thinking, he selflessly devoted himself to a life of service in homes, schools, hospitals and offices, helping folks get jobs done without a lot of fanfare, whooping and hollering.A most reliable sage, he was credited with cultivating the ability to know when to come in out of the rain, the discovery that the early bird gets the worm and how to take the bitter with the sweet. C.S. also developed sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adult is in charge, not the kid) and prudent dietary plans (offset eggs and bacon with a little fiber and orange juice). C.S. was preceded in death by his wife, Discretion; one daughter, Responsibility; and one son, Reason. He is survived by two step-brothers, Half-Wit and Dim-Wit. (more…)


Aaron Iacono Proves He Not Only Has One, But Is One

By ThinkGoat

Lyons, New York Crying babies. It happens. It frays the nerves of every parent to the point of locking oneself in the closet with a fifth of grain alcohol and a Widespread Panic cd. That’s only as a last resort though. Every parent goes through the litany of things to check: Is the baby hungry? Nope. Won’t take tit. Wet? Another wasted diaper. Cold? Wrap it up. Hot? Do the opposite. Does this screaming lung-sac have gas? Walk, rock, pat, and gently bounce him. Seriously, these are just a few tricks of the trade that anyone with an ounce of brain matter can come up with – but – there is a rapidly increasing breed of stupid that thinks the only way to silence a crying baby is to teach her a lesson:  inflict pain. Unless you’re really good at this technique it almost always increases the intensity of the cries. But this breed of stupid is perfecting things. They can quiet this whaling midget with a couple good blows to the head, a little sip of Methadone, trying to stick the baby into the drywall through tremendous force, etc. But our new asshat, Aaron Iacono decided to reenact a scene from Harry Potter’s “Goblet of Fire” perhaps wondering if his little bundle of joy’s screams could be transformed to the beautiful mermaid’s song while under water. (more…)


Karen Lueders Bites Off More Than She Can Chew

By Lazlo

Sheboygan, Wisconsin Here is a little gem of a story that caught the eye of the staff here at Crime Crawlers. TG thought it would be the perfect piece for me to get back into the groove. The opening line of the source story in the Sheboygan Press immediately grabbed my attention and imagination by stating the charge Mrs. Lueders is being held on: felony mayhem. Oh yeah – mayhem. And not just your garden variety mayhem, but the felony kind. No more enticement is necessary, I’m hooked. So just what kind of bat-shit crazy behavior does a lady need to engage in to earn such a bad-assed charge as that? Seems it all started in the toilet…

(more…)


Eugene Ramos Gets a Little More at the Dollar Store

By ThinkGoat

Union City, California I am a self-proclaimed Dollar Store junkie. I love every. single. thing. about that place. My most prized possession purchased: a retro 70′s plastic pear plate thingy that I proudly display on the stove top. Even though it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve laid eyes on, it’s made even more special because I got it on sale. At the Dollar Store. 75% off. These little miracles are what keeps me going back to that store. Well, that and I’ve a friend who punches the time clock there. She’s never at a loss when it comes to sharing amusing idiosyncrasies that can only be found in a place that sells “Totally Awesome Green” stuff next to the “Totally Awesome Lemon” stuff. (which is, by all intents and purposes, totally awesome). While I’ve never witnessed people confusing the aisle for a toilet, I keep my hopes up each time I enter through the doors. I’m not sure what my reaction would be, rounding the corner only to find some drooling butthead squatting next to the stationary but I can guarantee you, rounding the corner and seeing what this grandmother did, my reaction would be quick and painful and perhaps deadly. (more…)


Melissa Lee Williams’ Situation Stinks

By ThinkGoat

Jackson County, West Virginia Breaking one of my own rules, I decided this story was too fantastic not to feature even though it’s a month old and there’s been no new developments. I originally shot this story to Lazlo with great anticipation of reading his take on Melissa. But internet connections are unpredictable in Borneo. At least that was his explanation. I’ve not yet come to a conclusion what the hell he’s doing there – his messages are cryptic at best. When I’ve attempted asking Deadmyron for help decoding the messages, he recites some obscure alien controversy dialog, says the CIA is tapping his phone, and quickly hangs up. I thought about sending this story link to him but the last time I did that I got a 47,000 word essay on human sexuality that was so incredible I was sort of fearful about where he’d go with Melissa’s story. Plus, DM is still suffering from chronic pain from being probed a couple of months ago. Athena has been banned from the internet for the remaining 3 months of her stint at the convent. I thought about asking her to pen the article over whatever paper was available to her, (church bulletin, pages from Deuteronomy, etc) but the risk of her getting caught ended up out-weighing the hilarity of envisioning how the final product would look. In hindsight, Athena would have been the best option, just to see the words: “pussy”, “eat”, and “stench” coming from a holy institution. But instead, you all are stuck with me, who simply couldn’t let this story slip into a world of obscurity. Plus I just couldn’t get this chick’s mug out of my head. Nor her “situation”. (more…)


Noah Smith Bares The Naked Truth To Police – That He Was Nuts

By ThinkGoat

Seneca, South Carolina Police got lucky in a way when they responded to a 911 report of a burglary occurring at a private residence. Lucky because they didn’t have to look far for the “alleged” perpetrator. When they arrived, they found 31-year-old Noah Smith lying nekkid on the floor of the doorway, sunny side up. Their luck quickly ran dry when they thought this would be an easy apprehension. They learned a valuable lesson:  people who would break into a place buttass naked are probably not right in the head and one should proceed with caution. Me? I’ve covered enough of these stories to know “peeled” antics most often include drug use of some form. Which again, one should proceed with caution. Be prepared. And for God’s sake, carry elephant tranquilizer, tasers don’t affect these wild creatures. (more…)


Lyndsey Fiddler May Be a Meth-Head But At Least She Does the Laundry

By ThinkGoat

Bartlesville, Oklahoma Lyndsey Fiddler, mother of three children (ages 4, 3, and a 10-day old) has quite an extensive criminal record according to the authorities. Not only had she been charged for driving without a license but driving that car without strapping in her small children. Unfortunately, this isn’t extremely uncommon – I see it daily. It’s the assault charges that begin to set of big warning signs. That, coupled with drug charges when she was 4-months pregnant with her last child should have been enough to put her on someone’s radar. Actually, it did. It was her family that tried to intervene by getting her parental rights revoked due to her drug abuse but the judicial system decided they knew best. There was something that left the family uneasy about this meth-crazed mother and 10 days after Ms. Fiddler gave birth, an aunt decided to pop in on her. Perhaps to see if she could lend some help, perhaps to ease the family’s emotional state of fearing the worst. What do you think she found? (more…)


Kyle Hankins Deserves to Have that Smirk Burned Off His Face

By ThinkGoat

Evansville, Indiana There’s at least one little 2-year-old who didn’t get to go Trick-or-Treating this year and she can thank her mommy’s boyfriend, Kyle Hankins, for that shit. And since this asshole had a history of abuse, she might as well thank her mother as well. She’ll maybe have that chance when she’s released from the burn unit and when her 3rd-degree burns start to heal. (more…)


Matthew Douglas Hicks Gets Busted for Exposing His…….Intelligence

By ThinkGoat

Glendale, Arizona  / Ouachita Parish, Louisiana I don’t care what your party stories are, nothing can compare to Matthew Hicks’ tale. Period. Or at least what he can remember of it, which is just enough to award him with the Dude trophy.

Found wearing only a pair of rubber boots some 1300 miles away from home, police responded to a 911 call and apprehended Matthew Hicks (32) walking toward the road. I surmise, just by the sheer nature of being all nekkid, they were certain they had their man.

He couldn’t recall why his car was towed, nor how he landed at the home of the lady who called the police, but he did know he was from Glendale, Arizona and well, decided to make the best of a confusing situation.

While looking out your window and seeing some stranger lathering himself up and bathing in your swimming pool may be a tad strange, seeing that same stranger humping your glass door isn’t that far out there. I mean, who hasn’t done it at least once?

Authorities state Hicks admitted to bathing in the swimming pool and when asked about the lewd acts with the door, his response: “She saw me?” Dude. You were attempting to hump a glass door, of course she saw you. And she was unamused. And a bit disturbed.

Humpty Dumpty was charged on one count of exposing his genitals in public and one count of trespassing. (more…)


Michael Lallana Provides a Cool Drink of Water

By ThinkGoat

Fullerton, California When I came across this little story I immediately started reflecting on hilarious but somewhat gross times on my old college campus. I’m sure you all have witnessed similar situations, perhaps even been among the unfortunate. Back in those days, we could actually smoke in buildings…way before the tobacco Nazi’s came in and ruined everything. Anyway, the scene is set: lots of drinking, lots of smoking, very few ashtrays to go around. Abandoned or empty beer cans were often used as a replacement, or plastic cups with a swallow or two of beer left in the bottom. By this time of evening, the conversations were intense and loud because everyone knows the ability to hear oneself speak while intoxicated is damn near impossible. It rarely failed, someone would be so adamant about convincing a group of people they had all the answers while grabbing their beverage without looking, taking a big gulp, only to find it was someone’s ashtray after it was way too late. Sometimes they’d puke. Sometimes they wish they’d puke. It was usually after finding out they’d just swallowed a mouthful of someone’s spit. Everyone else would laugh their ass off but I can pretty much guarantee those containers were never maliciously planted. And I can also pretty much guarantee none of those containers were blatantly jacked off in and served. (more…)


Bernard Howell Wanted To Save Her Family Burial Expenses

By ThinkGoat

Tenino, Washington Imagine being a policeman on patrol in a town of less than 1500. Not much goes on. Evenings are probably spent riding around busting people for stopping in the middle of the street to visit, running stop signs, and giving directions out of town for those who’ve stumbled in wishing to get out. Imagine being on patrol and getting flagged down and told something that was so unbelievable, you don’t know whether to laugh at the guy or get him committed into some mental institution. Especially if that guy were telling you something similar to, ‘I was on this trail and some kid stopped me and asked if I’d help him get rid of a dead body that was in his truck…” and as you’re listening, the guy looks up at a passing vehicle and exclaims something like: “THAT’S HIM”! (more…)


Jonathon Schoenakase Gets Shafted While Doing Good Deeds

By Thinkgoat

Quincy, IL Around all major holidays, (and I’m gauging “major” by the amount of alcohol consumed) one is likely to find an increase of Public Service Announcements regarding drunk driving. And I completely understand. Unfortunately it takes repeated 30-second advertisements drilling the motto: “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk”. Leading up to New Year’s Eve and St. Patrick’s Day, radio stations start running commercials informing their listeners of free rides home from the bar. The companies and organizations offering the free transportation are applauded for providing such a terrific service to the community, keeping those on the roads safe and saving the party-goers the huge expense of a DUI offense. Plus, it alleviates pressure on the local police forces and allows those on-duty officers a bit of time to do a little partying themselves. Haha. I’m only partially kidding. (watch this video brought to my attention by Deadmyron) Anywho. It should come as no surprise that any community would raise someone to hero status, who’d give their time to volunteer this free service on a constant basis. Well, anywhere but Quincy, Illinois. (more…)


The Grunke Twins and Buddy Radke Try to Dig up a Date and End Up Getting Screwed

grunke

By ThinkGoat

Lancaster, Wisconsin Originally I glanced at this article, bookmarked the page, and decided to let it ferment in my brain a couple of days to see where I’d go with it. I mean, it’s not everyday one gets a story like this dropped in their lap. Upon first appearance, it seemed to have everything that makes me excited about covering a story…fuck-up looking perpetrators, extreme stupidity, and one of the few bizarre-type crimes that’ll really make one stop and say, “what in the hell?”, “Jesus Christ”, “LMFAO”, or a beautiful mix of the three. This story can also be viewed as a tale of brotherly love and loyal friendship. But after digging a little further and discussing this case with another staff member, this bizarre crime quickly became overshadowed by a big example of how the laws can change in the blink of an eye and one can be held accountable for charges that were dropped years earlier. I really hate when a fantastic case of attempted necrophilia is spoiled by legal shit. Especially a case as beautiful as this. (more…)


Dennis Iagulli and James Pierson – You Just Don’t F**k With That Kind of Evil

evil fucks

By ThinkGoat

East St. Louis, Illinois Number 1, avoid East St. Louis like the plague. You’ll immediately know you’re there because, like Lewis Black describes North Korea, it’s so evil the color has completely been sucked out. And the monkeys from the Wizard of Oz live there. Think I’m kidding? Test me if you dare. It’s not a good place. Now even though downtown St. Louis proper is cool, there are still places there that creep me the fuck out.

St. Louis is built on the banks of the Muddy Mississippi with the downtown area right along those banks. It’s really a neat place to walk around – parts of the riverfront have been completely restored into quaint little restaurants and shops. But right next door to those restored beauties are abandoned warehouses that look as though they’ve housed some form of torture chambers. And running walking past them, I could swear sometimes if my heart wasn’t pounding a deafening beat in my eardrums, screams could be heard. And guess what? It turns out I’m a psychic. Those freaky little mini-movies that have played out in 3-second segments in my mind came true in one East St. Louis warehouse. (more…)


Armand Pacher Gets Arrested for Sexing-Up Christie Brinkley

By ThinkGoat

Miami, Florida It’s not often a regular old insurance executive from Florida gets to hook-up with Supermodel Christie Brinkley and it’s not unusual for this sort of news to hit the wires. I mean, she’s been through 4 marriages and 4 divorces, she’s still in great shape – inquiring minds with a finger on the pulse of entertainment news jump on these stories. Especially when there are little tid-bits of very personal details revealed such as:  “She doesn’t seem to enjoy it as much when we have sex.” “Maybe it is because I haven’t been as energetic lately, and that’s why she’s not enjoying it.” Poor guy. But why tell this shit to the veterinary worker? (more…)


Jesse Thornhill and Rosemary Mowls May Be States Apart But They Make a Cute Couple

By ThinkGoat

It’s been kind of a shitty news week (or two) from my perspective. Sure there’s been an abundance of asshattery occurring but I rather tire of the same stories over and over again. We’ve had mothers getting drunk and passing out while their babies are running nekkid in parking lots with knives, wandering roadways. (yes plural – there have been 3 stories hit this week featuring this phenomenon). We’ve had young chicks getting drunk pissing in cop cars, young chicks getting drunk pissing in taxicabs, copping attitude about the whole thing. Pictures reflect what cute things they are on their myspace pages with their mug shots attached to the right or left…and shit. Drunks just get fugly. Then there are these two mug shots. Their stories are noteworthy, yes. Their mugs, priceless. (more…)


Peter James Wilson Solves Discipline Problem with Knife

By ThinkGoat

Lake Cushman, Washington I know better than to “read more” on a child abuse story. I really do. As anyone who’s read me for a long time knows, I hate these stories but believe in exposing the monsters who prey upon them. I’m just not the person for the writing job. They affect me deeply and once I get sucked in, I become so consumed with what the hell drives adults to do these things that I end up writing them. And I would have looked over this story with hope someone else would pick it up had it not been for the picture of this darling little girl and the words, “slashed throat”. And after reading about a dozen police accounts, mother’s statement, and probable cause report, I was so disgusted and sucked in that I had to tell little 5-year-old Clare Louise Shelwell’s story. (more…)


Brian Hall Has a Super Long Neck. And a Machete.

By ThinkGoat

Tulsa, Oklahoma I don’t know if the news sources have been a little lazy this week (you know, right before the 4th of July weekend) or if the criminals are saving all the good shit for when I don’t feel like writing. Either way, outside of the normal baby bouncing off the fist stories, there’s not been much activity in the “what the fuck” genre so I’ve resorted to finding and being intrigued by a mug shot even though the story behind the dude isn’t so whatthefuckish but rather stupid. (more…)


Byron Jordan Was Only Horsing Around

By ThinkGoat

Covington, Georgia is a town of around 12,000 – the Newton County seat. According to the 2000 census (man will I be glad when all that shit is updated – a lot can change in ten years but let’s assume things are basically as the statistics state they are): Covington is made up of 51% white, 45% black, 40% married couples living together, 23% female head-of-household with no husband present, 31.8% “non-family” households. Those numbers add up to this: not a whole hell of a lot of “action” in the partner market. The women far out-numbered the men in Covington back in 2000, for every 100 women, there were 88.5 men. I’m perplexed. How the fuck is there .5 of a man? Did someone test positive for the “Y” chromosome but lacked the physical male attributes? Let’s hope Mr. .5 was still around during this census because I think I just found someone who’ll partner up with him to round that number down – that is if the owner of the horse farm ever catches him near his pasture again. (more…)


Sisters Guadalupe and Alejandra Viveros Make Clients into Hard-Asses

By ThinkGoat

Los Angeles, California Consider this a public service announcement for those of you who may be looking for a little cosmetic surgery. If you’re looking for a “deal”, there are certain things you’ve got to put on your checklist to be safe. Make sure the conditions are sterile. There’d be nothing worse than having delicate surgery and then suffer from an infection. Make sure the “physician” is board-certified/licensed. If you’re having this shit done in the US, make sure their papers reflect the ability to practice in the US. And last but not least, if you’re having shit added to your body, make sure you know what the fuck it is they’re putting in you. You don’t want any surprises later on down the road – like…say… (more…)


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