The movie, which focuses around the titular generic troperificic locale, has many surprises in store for the viewer as well as it’s delibertately invoked trope character stock. I’m not going to go into my usual exacting detail because I am both too lazy to do so, as well as it would be doing a disservice to you the viewer. But I will go into a bit more detail than most.

Basically our five usual slasher stereotypes are deliberately put in the standard horror location, only this time it’s by a government agency who have their reasons for letting this pain happen to our hapless protagonists. If you’ve ever seen anything by Joss Whedon, you know he doesn’t give you exactly what you expect, and the same rules apply here. This is Whedon’s response to the torture porn genre, and it makes you wonder why it sat on the shelf for three years. Certainly, it’s a lot better than most of the horror movies that have come out since 2009. I can’t even think of any horror movie, besides Insidious, and Tucker and Dale vs. Evil</strong>, that I’ve really liked over the past years. But let’s just say I really liked Cabin in the Woods.

Much like the movie it somewhat bases itself on, Sam Raimi’s The Evil Dead, Cabin in the Woods is a like a pure shot of heroin directly into the veins of horror. The film starts off slow but builds momentum and ends up being a locomotive transporting a shit ton of horror monsters to be delivered straight up your ass. This movie will screw your face and squirt it’s horror movie love jucies all down your throat. The finale is amazing, a loving homage to every horror movie over the past 30 years, as well as being Lovecraftian in nature and scope. There are -dire- ramifications here, much more than someone dying a virgin. The stakes are continually rasied and there are no clear cut good guys or bad guys.  There is a huge world here with a lot of mythology and I hope that Joss gets the chance to give us more of this world in some medium in the future, as he has been able to do with other projects.

The movie starts out light but ends up being some hard-gore horror. Troperific as it may be, this movie is the real deal and if you love horror films, this is what you need to go see right now. Seriously. Quit reading this and go see the damn movie.

S&Man (pronounced Sandman) is a psuedo-documentary following the exploits of writer-director J.T. Petty as he delves into the underground horror scene. Petty starts off the film narrating the story of a local urban legend of a video voyuer in his hometown who was unable to be prosecuted due the victims not wanting to press charges because the videos of them would have to be screened in court. Petty describes his admiration for the voyuer being able to get away with this and wanted to make a documentary about him. This admission, while most likely untrue, sets the tone for the film. Not only that, it indicates the viewer as an accessory for watching this. However, Petty put the cart before the horse and got the funding before his intended subject. The peeper turned down Petty’s attempts to film him, so Petty decides to switch gears and focus on another dark territory: fake snuff movies.

Petty’s main subjects are Fred Vogel (creator of the August Underground films), Bill Zebub (creator of “Jesus Christ: Serial Rapist”, and it’s remake), Debbie D (one of Zebub’s actresses, with an extensive resume in the fetish industry), and a strange young man named Eric who is the creator of the S&Man series.

Bill Zebub

The rest of the film is interviews with the subjects interspersed with clips from their films. For their part, Fred Vogel and Bill Zebub come across as charming and funny, especially for guys who make their living making shitty movies that are nothing more than misogynistic simulated snuff films. Vogel and his girlfriend are also working partners who both star as the anatagonists in the August Underground series made by their company, Toe Tag Pictures. Their flagship “August Underground” series is an interesting idea; it’s the home movie of a couple of serial killers. The result is a mixed bag; Toe Tag goes out of their way to make their films as over the top disgusting as possible, which takes the viewer away from any realism that had been established. The juvinille attitude in the films is no different from that of it’s creator; Fred seems really proud of his character filming two minutes of dog shit, and suckering other people into watching it. I’m proud of my girlfriend for graduating from a college university and landing a job at a Fortune 500 company (suck it, occupiers!). Vogel is proud of his girlfriend for being able to vomit a lot on camera on other people. To each their own, but this is why S&Man is disturbring; it illustrates the point that there is a market, however marginal, for films like this…and people who will make them.

Bored girl on the set

Bill Zebub, by his own admission, makes movies for perverts to jack off to, but if you’ve ever seen any of his movies you realize how desperate people must be for spank material to find such stuff appealing. For all the tits and ass on display, his stuff is so badly acted, written, and edited, and his actresses personalities so non-existent that it comes across as boring. Petty validates my views in a scene which shows Zebub shooting a scene of his “Jesus Christ: Serial Rapist” remake in his friends bar. Zebub spends the majority of the time drinking while his actress lays on the floor in a bra and thong waiting for Zebub to set up the set around her. The edited footage looks like it went on for hours, and the actress looks completely bored as bar patrons get to oogle her ass while waiting for the shoot to complete (aka waiting for Zebub to quit drinking). However, it should be said that Zebub seems to make his movies with his own friends for about $5 a pop. Any losses are easily recouped. And to be fair, Zebub knows his films are horrible and he makes them as jokes. Your mileage may vary as to if it’s actually funny.

As I watched the film I wasn’t sure what to expect. I had read reviews of this film a few years ago on-line and I finally watched this because it was streaming on Netflix. This isn’t a pleasent viewing experience. I don’t like the films of any of it’s subjects. I am not stupid enough to fall for it’s prank that S&Man is a real series of films (and anyone who is can be set straight by the fact that the credits feature “Introducing Erik Marcisak as Eric Rost”). As the film unfolded, I felt compelled to turn it off as it made me sad for the human condition that there is a market for the films it discusses. I have seen the first “August Underground” and I truly feel that anyone who watches these films becomes a lesser person for having done so. I also feel that the makers of these films would consider my last statement the ultimate compliment for what they have set out to accomplish. After it ended, I felt depressed and wondered I would even watch this.

Look, some of my favorite movies are “Last House on the Left”, “Texas Chain Saw Massacre”, and “Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer”, all films influential on this snuff sub-genre type of films. Herein lies the difference though: those films are worthy of watching because they get under your skin without having to show you a woman being forced to eat pieces of shit by some guy who can’t act who has his girlfriend vomit on people. The viewership for the former category of films enjoy being scared where as the latter type are enjoying a sexual thrill from watching the atrocities taking place. Debbie D talks about some of the “create your own video” part of her acting resume in which she plays in films a person can pay to have certain actions take place. We are treated to a shot of a woman being shot by some sort of stun gun in the vagina by an assailant. It is very disturbing that someone who had this fantasy paid out of his own pocket to have it filmed. In one of the more humorous (and cleverly edited) scenes in the film, Debbie D tells the camera that she sees her work as a jumping off point to work in actual films along such greats as Barbara Striessand. We then hear a person burst out laughing, only to realize it’s edited into the transistion of a person in the next scene.

With all that said, S&Man does a great job at disturbing the viewer by giving them a glimpse into this type of filmmaking. As a documentary, it’s a great piece of work, giving the viewer a glimpse of a fringe market of filmmaking they’d hopefully never watch for themselves. It’s only in it’s attempt to fool the auidence into thinking that they are interviewing a real snuff filmmaker that it falls short. That said, I have not been able to get “S&Man” out of my head and felt compelled to write this review of it in order to do so. This film is not for everyone, but if you want a glimpse into a real life abyss, give it a go. But remember, the abyss gazes also.

By Thinkgoat

Charleston, South Carolina  This story has no hidden meaning. As a matter of fact, it’s case in point why most of you are lying when you tell your sibling or your best friend you’d do anything in the world for them. I don’t know if it was because of the approaching holidays, because of loyalty, or because Wayne thought the sun rose and set in his brother’s ass, Deangelo pretty much called him to the carpet and Wayne was forced to eat his own words.

The two brothers were pulled over by police for driving with a broken headlight and for some reason, the cops suspected drugs may be in the car.

Deangelo (23) and Wayne (20) were placed in handcuffs, set in the back of the police cruiser while their vehicle was searched.

And this is when shit got a little weird.

I know things have changed since I partied like there was no tomorrow and I know for a fact, idiots are becoming more idiotic, but I just can’t imagine transporting drugs and not checking to make sure everything on the car is working right – like the fucking headlights. Another thing while I’m veering off-topic: Why the bloody hell would you, after smoking a bunch of pot with the windows up, approach a squad car, roll down your windows and ask the one person who can fuck your shit up, questions? Jesus.

Back to the boys. Apparently Deangelo had been in trouble prior to this and, as seen on the vehicle video below, he began freaking out a bit, telling his brother “You ain’t got no strike… I can get you out… I can’t afford another strike.” I imagine that was right after he’d worked his sphincter muscles, forcing that baggie of cocaine out and up into his butt-crack and started brainstorming on what his next plan was going to entail.

Does he try to ditch it in the cop car and take chances of whether the cop would believe him when he swore on his momma’s grave the drugs weren’t his or would he hatch another idea that’d be sure to keep him out of prison?

You guessed it, he opted to go with the latter.

In the video below, you can see Deangelo right after he removed the coke from his pants (the video was edited and they didn’t include the actual deep reaching) and you can see Wayne accept the hand-off. And knowing exactly where that baggie had been didn’t make poor simple Wayne hesitate for a moment when he stuffed that warm package into his mouth, chewed it up, swallowed, and lastly, professed his love for his brother.

I thought I understood love. I really thought I had a grasp on what it meant to do anything in the world for someone. I don’t know shit because I promise you, even if it were the worst situation imaginable, there’s no way in hell I’m sticking anything in my mouth that’s been up someone’s ass. I don’t care how hard you plead, it simply isn’t happening.

Wild Wayne started having a few issues soon after ingesting the coke. He started complaining of not being able to breathe and I imagine, started to get a little antsy. When the police approached the car, Deangelo, being the quintessential protector of his little brother quickly volunteered the face that Wayne ate the drugs but he failed to mention all the details. I mean, did they really need to know he shit them out in the back and convinced his simple brother to ignore the stank? I think not.

Despite being rushed to the hospital, Wayne Mitchell died.

Police awaited the toxicology report before learning the exact cause of death and by the time they had that information, Deangelo had bonded out of jail on the drug charge. Now he’s got an involuntary manslaughter charge awaiting him.

Until this story, I had always thought the old lady who fell through the rotten boards in her outhouse and drowned was a shitty way to die. I think she now has a close contender.

Source1 | Source2

By LadyJustice

Denver, Colorado-Police have now released Kimberly Powell, the grandmother that allegedly beat her granddaughter to death, pending further autopsy results. The release came the SAME DAY she was arrested for the investigation of child abuse resulting in the death of her 15-month-old granddaughter, Amber Enard. Amber died in a horribly violent way on August 3, 2011 at the hands of her own 48-year-old grandmother police say. What the little girl went through was pure hell.This baby girl, that was barely over 1-year old, soiled herself on Powell’s carpet and, when Powell stepped in it, the “grandmother” went ballistic. She preceded to slap her numerous times and even “rammed her head into the wall,” according to witnesses. Powell says she just cleaned the child up and put her in bed to watch a movie with her and that Amber was sitting there, alive and well, when Powell fell asleep. Court documents say Amber had bruising on her chest, abdomen, back, shoulder, face and forearm that appeared to be deliberate after her body was found the next morning.

The reports say that her mom found little Amber’s dead body face down and cold in the bed the next morning. By 6:30 am she was dead and cold. Someone else in the home started CPR and 911 was immediately called. (I love how they can call the cops quickly AFTER she’s dead and cold but what about calling them when you see the little girl getting the crap beaten out of her?) She was pronounced dead at Children’s Hospital upon arrival.

After witnesses came forward Powell was arrested and released on August 4th. (How about keeping her in jail so she can’t beat another child to death?) ”We certainly had enough probable cause to arrest her yesterday and that has not changed, but we believe based on the new information and in an effort to protect her rights we have to continue our investigation and get complete autopsy results,” Lt. Matt Murray with the Denver Police Department said.

“They’re suspecting her but I don’t believe (s)he did it,” Amber’s father, Emanuel Enard, said. “That’s my mother-in-law, that’s grandma, and grandma is a damn good grandma with the kids.” (No one wants to believe that they left their child with someone that killed them. Or maybe he knew Amber was in danger and just didn’t care?)

Neighbors say that the family threw house parties almost nightly.

“We hear a lot of screaming from their home,” Charlie Jackson, their neighbor, said. (Again, why didn’t anyone call police???)

“My daughter is 1 years old. She’s teething. What am I supposed to do? Put my hand over my daughter’s mouth and tell her to stop crying?” Enard responded. (Um, how about comforting her or seeing a doctor to make sure that’s indeed why she was screaming?)

This also isn’t the first time Powell’s seen charges either. Records show that she’s been arrested for car theft multiple times, shoplifting, parole violation, disturbing the peace, and failing to appear in court. (That sounds like my ideal babysitter and a “damn good grandma with the kids!”)

It makes me sick to see someone that could have done such a horrible thing to a child they should’ve loved go free. I understand that the accused “have rights too” but I think that if anyone’s a danger to society, this woman is! I think she should still be rotting until the coroner comes up with what actually happened to this little girl! As soon as the coroner’s finally report is out I’ll post an update!

Source 1| Source 2

By LadyJustice

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M.-This is precisely why you should be careful about the food a random stranger hands you! When I was a little girl and went trick-or-treating I wasn’t allowed to eat anything until my parents had examined it. Even as a child I knew that people did bad things to food just to see others eat it. So why are we so trusting now as adults as to take free samples from people at a grocery store? That’s probably the question many people are pondering after eating Anthony Garcia’s special sperm yogurt at a Sunflower Market.This Sunflower Market employee should have known better considering he was 31-years-old at the time (he’s since turned 32.) But you can’t blame a guy for trying I guess. Especially since police now believe that he’s done this before at a different location as well.

Garcia was caught in the act of distributing his “goods” at the market in January and was finally indicted on the charges of adulterating food and making false statements to federal investigators on July 14th. It seems it took this long for investigators to run his DNA and make sure it was indeed his sperm and to figure out the correct charges for such an occasion. (Pardon me while I compose myself from laughing hysterically…ok, I’m better.)

A female customer called police back in January to report that the “sample” that she’d been given was not yogurt. I wonder how she figured it out when others didn’t…should we just assume that she has a knack for that sort of thing? Or maybe it wasn’t cold and that’s how she knew…?

While arresting him police also figured out that Garcia had an outstanding warrant for inappropriate sexual contact with a minor. I bet the people that ate his special recipe wish that the police would’ve arrested him for that before now. I know I’d be pissed!

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has now become involved to see if any other food has been tampered with. That investigation is ongoing. (STILL?!?) Garcia could face federal charges as well. I’m sure that’s also how he got the charge of making false statements to federal investigators.

“(We) have never dealt with a case like this in all the years (that) I’ve been in law enforcement. It’s horrific. It’s horrific for the victim,” Sgt. Trish Hoffman of the Albuquerque Police Department said. I sincerely hope that they don’t ever have to deal with this again either!

When he appeared in court Garcia did not enter a plea. It’s also not clear who he’s getting to defend his dumbass. (I’d charge A LOT of money for that!) I’ll let you know as soon as we get a plea in the case!

Source 1| Source 2| Source 3

By ThinkGoat

Paris, Illinois

Even a speck of common sense tells us that the shortest way to get from one point to another always takes the path of a straight line. Following a meandering road that zigs left and zags right is surely less efficient than taking a direct route. We hold these truths to be self-evident.

Often, upon tackling a story, I’ll familiarize myself with the geographical location of the crime scene and get a flavor of the demographics that comprise the area of interest. It generally serves no purpose other than pacifying certain curiosities within myself and if, for some reason they prove to be interesting enough, I’ll include a portion of my findings as a prelude to the tale.

I found nothing particularly noteworthy in Paris, Illinois; the demographics seemed to reflect a quintessential little town in the Midwest with a population a little over 8,500. That was before I stumbled upon the description of Vance Park, “a hushed quiet place that’s perfect for meditation”. Vance Park is a sunken garden that hosts a serpentine wall and at the far end of this little oasis, a lion’s head fountain. I have to wonder if this tiny community realizes the stark symbolism between Vance Park’s settings and the real life events that culminated in murder, the rigidly straight wall of justice made serpentine by the pre-existing factors that led a once quiet and reserved young man;s actions to emulate a lion’s roar.

Let’s meet the accused, 16-year-old Terry Payton.

Terry has been arrested and is facing two counts of Murder 1 for the death of his mother, 53-year-old Kathie.

It’s really not a stretch to see how this arrest was made. After all, Terry turned himself in. He sent a text message to his buddy, Jakob Shumaker, that stated, “I killed el madre, need help making her disappear. I stabbed her steven times after mercilessly beating the shit out of her” and he posted, “I’m a monster” on his facebook wall.

I’m no cop but it doesn’t take too many police hours to take the puzzle pieces and put them together. Dead woman + murder weapon + confession = open and shut case. Or so it’d seem. But what makes this case extremely unusual is the fact this small community has rallied together and standing firmly behind this accused murderer..even raising money for a decent defense attorney for Terry’s representation.

But why? Why are so many seemingly rational human beings willing to turn a blind eye to what’s clearly against the law, something as heinous as first-degree murder, and support a boy on the doorstep of adulthood who admitted to stabbing his own mother, not once, but seven times? Clearly the community members are either “certifiable” or there’s something so powerful that’d make this many people plead with the judicial system to look past the aesthetics of  a nice and tidy straight line of justice and suggest, instead, picking the zig-zagging serpentine structure that allows consideration into what led to the monstrous attack on a woman who’d raised him for 16 years.

Kathie Payton was allegedly a drunk. Not just an ordinary drunk but a ranting-raving-abusive-”I-wish-you-were-never-born”-pass-out-on-the-sidewalk type of drunk. You know, the kind everybody points to, whispers about, and pities. The kind of drunk that makes one thankful they’re not having to deal with the utter chaos and shit this lady brought upon herself. Every quintessential town needs a quintessential drunk.

But no child deserves the daily chore of having to be their parent’s keeper. No child needs to have to explain their parent’s irrational behaviors, and no child deserves a parent who repeatedly beats into their brain they’re worthless, a hindrance, and a waste of time. No “normal” child deserves to be physically and emotionally threatened. Not ever. And most “normal” children have the safety net of family and a system that’s set in place to guard children from this type of torture.

Terry Payton had none of these things afforded to him…his father and paternal grandparents were estranged and living in England (allegedly due to a nasty divorce and control issues from Kathie), Illinois’ Department of Child and Family Services added Terry as yet another fucking statistic in their failed “system”, and lastly, Terry Payton suffers from a form of autism (Asperger’s Syndrome) that may have left him alone, confused, and fed up to the point of snapping like a rubber-band.

There are witnesses coming out of the woodwork willing to help Terry…statements from individuals that have witnessed the abusive relationship Kathie had with her only son. We’re not talking about his peers who’re more likely to stand in his corner, there are professionals ranging from business to education who’ve stepped forward with tales of horror.

Where were they prior to Terry snapping? Why didn’t they step up to the plate and actually do something prior to this murder? Why do people wait until the “inevitable” happens to speak out?

Enter child protective services.

Calls were placed, reports filed, home visits executed.

If these agencies utilized a little common sense in lieu of doing the least amount possible, they may actually be able to help the children with whom they’re charged. For example: If there’s an allegation hotlined by someone mandated to report abuse (a school official), common sense would trigger some red flags if, when you arrived, you were turned away from the parent in question.

Common sense prevails when you have someone like Staci Garzolini-Skelton, a counselor at Paris Cooperative High School vs. a drunken lunatic who has the propensity to do nothing but save her own ass vs. a young autistic boy who’s scared shitless of his mother. Ms. Garzolini-Skelton phoned IL DCFS to report her conversation with Kathie Payton that included threats of severing Terry’s legs while he slept (my personal favorite) and slitting his throat if he stole her medicine. In two follow-ups by DCFS that were prompted by that phone call, Kathie flat-out refused to speak to them and Terry refused to acknowledge the alleged abuses.

I stated I was “no cop” and I’m stating I am “no counselor”  but I have a shit-ton of common sense and a few years of spotlighting dumbfucks who fail at seeing the obvious. A dependent will rarely come forward with the truth, even with bloodied lips, blackened eyes, a broken soul, if they know they’re just going to be returned to the same abusive household and the cycle of abuse continued and often amplified. Don’t they teach this stuff in “I’m a State worker who can fuck your life” 101?

DCFS dropped the ball.

The autopsy allegedly showed Kathie Payton sustained seven stab wounds and head trauma. The toxicology report (at the time of publication) has either not been returned or not been released. It wasn’t until after the initial autopsy report that Terry explained bouncing her head off the floor a couple of times prior to stabbing her dead, something he’d left out in his original statement to the police.

While researching this story, I found myself reading hundreds of comments on a message board. Some were caught up with this little detail. Me? Not so much. I think it’s perfectly normal to forget what I consider “little details” like testing the hardness of one’s skull while reliving the larger details like taking a knife and jabbing it into human flesh a good seven times. It also leads me to the troubling nature of this piece. The charges.

If what has been documented is true, why would the State pursue First-Degree Murder? Perhaps it has to do with a “less than thorough” or “rigidly confined” investigation. It is alleged that the Illinois State Police investigator interviewed neighbors regarding the black/white issues only: Did they see or hear anything  during the time Terry was to have stabbed his mother? The investigators asked nothing about any sort of background  leading up to Terry snapping.

In Illinois, First-Degree murder, according to the Illinois Compiled Statutes (720 ILCS 5/9-1) is defined as:

(a) they kill an individual without lawful justification if, in performing the acts which cause the death:

(1) they either intend to kill or do great bodily harm to that individual or another, or know that such acts will cause death to that individual or another; or

(2) they know that such acts create a strong probability of death or great bodily harm to that individual or another; or

(3) they are committing, or attempting to commit, a forcible felony other than second degree murder.

Second-Degree Murder, according to the Illinois Compiled Statutes (720 ILCS 5/9-2) is defined as:

(1) At the time of the killing they are acting under a sudden and intense passion resulting from serious provocation by the individual killed or another whom the offender endeavors to kill, but he negligently or accidentally causes the death of the innocent individual; or

(2) At the time of the killing the believe the circumstances to be such that, if they existed, would justify or exonerate the killing under the principles stated in Article 7 of this Code, but their belief is unreasonable. Basically, Article 7 provides that a person is justified in the use of force against another when and to the extent that he reasonably believes that such conduct is necessary to defend himself or another against such other’s imminent use of unlawful force. However, he is justified in the use of force which is intended or likely to cause death or great bodily harm only if he reasonably believes that such force is necessary to prevent imminent death or great bodily harm to themselves or another, or the commission of a forcible felony.

Some residents of Paris, Illinois are claiming he stabbed his mother out of self-defense although there hasn’t been any real information substantiating that claim. At least none released to the media. Terry Payton is to undergo a psychiatric evaluation to see if he’s “sane” and can stand trial. Based on the information I’ve seen, I’d be more apt to throw my support behind the Second-Degree Murder charge and ask for leniency in sentencing. Of course, if I were a defense attorney, I’d shoot for manslaughter…start with the lesser of charges and reach a plea-agreement somewhere shy of painting this kid who lived a life of torture out to be a cold-hearted killer.

There are a select few who’re speaking out against Terry Payton, his aunt, Jan Burno, is one.

While I understand the emotions behind losing a loved one, there’s a fine line between being despondent and just plain crazy as a shithouse rat. Watching the video of Ms. Burno has led me to be believe she leans more to the shithouse rat sector with tinges of despondency thrown in for viewing pleasure.

Ms. Burno has been stalking the message boards trying to convince people that her sister was a great mother to Terry, that she purchased thousands of dollars worth of clothing and video games for her son while he turned into a spoiled little brat, demanding more, claiming the video games and those community members rallying around him made him into the vicious knife-wielding freedom-crazed kid. Kathie and Terry relied on public funds to get them through life. Kathie was unable to hold a job, they were living in publicly funded housing. I doubt very seriously child support was used to purchase anything but booze. It never is. (or boob jobs and if Kathie was anything like her sister in the video, she didn’t need one of those)

There are so many contributing factors into what may have led Terry to take a knife and silence his mother. What is for certain is that Kathie Payton is indeed dead, she was indeed stabbed, and Terry admits to being the one who delivered the attack. By all accounts, just looking at the bare bones of the crime, one would agree that the charges of First-Degree Murder are proper. But as one begins to take into consideration the nature of Terry’s mental state due to the abuse and couple it with his Asperger’s Syndrome, I find it negligent the State has not decided to immediately offer a lesser charge. I said, “negligent”, not surprising.

I’m hoping the residents of Paris, Illinois will not forget that a life was taken and Terry should be held accountable for his actions. I hope these same residents will not continue to provoke Ms. Burno as she attends the hearings to represent her sister. (Believe me, people, I know how incredibly hard it is not to poke a psycho when you see one) Lastly, I hope the State’s Attorney’s office isn’t so near-sighted, thinking they have a quick seal on a case that is proving to be a long and twisted wall of history by adopting the philosophy that the shortest way to get from one point to another always takes the path of a straight line.

Source1 | Source2 | Source3 | Source4 | Source5 | Source6 | Source7 | Opening Quote

By Deadmyron

Fuenlabrada, Spain When I’m presented a story liked this and asked if I would like to do the write-up, it causes my little, black heart to race. As a young man, a friend and I were pondering the possibility that one could blow smoke rings from one’s anus.  Being out of cigarettes, but having plenty of marijuana, we began our experiments.  It was soon evident that anuses (ani?) do not have the capacity to inhale. We developed a plan to get the smoke into the anal cavity with a slightly dirty elbow straw. I decided to be the receiver, thinking it was perhaps safest. I insisted that the smoke not be inhaled first, to assure the integrity of the smoke. It went horribly awry when my father opened the door to my room. The smoke that had just entered my cavity, shot out when I screamed and my friend took the hit and nearly blew him through the wall. That day we invented the Human Bong and the Brown Shotgun.

Pictured above is my new friend, Father Andrés García Torres, a  Spanish priest. The Father has been asked to leave his Parish in Fuenlabrada, by his boss, The Bishop of Getafe, amid allegations of homosexuality.

The Bishop demands that Father Torres undergo therapy to be ‘cured’ of his homosexuality and take an AIDS test following rumors about the good Father and a friend, a 28-year-old Cuban seminarian.

The two were photographed hugging shirtless while on a trip to Fatima.  To me, it looks pretty innocuous, but I’d feel kind of creepy hugging some shirtless dude. I know that sounds a bit ironic coming from a guy that will let someone blow reefer smoke up his ass, but I ain’t no priest.

“Let them measure my anus and see if it is dilated,” insisted Father Torres, who staunchly denies the allegations. He went on to say that his mother has not stopped crying since the incident. I believe it. My dad still cries.

I happen to know a few homosexuals that never use their anuses (ani?) during sex. Maybe Father Torres is one of those guys that figures he’s safe as long as he don’t break the seal on his asshole.

I couldn’t help, but wonder how common this is? Does the Vatican have an instrument for measuring assholes? Maybe they do it like they do a pregnant woman:  0-3cms dilated and you’re safe? How would that work? I was tempted to call my friend again, but he’s in Asia, so I turned to the internet.

And there it was:  The Anorectal Manometer. It does it all!  Here is a link that explains all the cool shit (pun intended) this little machine can do. Who fucking knew, right?

I wonder if Father Torres knows about this? I’m tempted to send him the link. That way, if he finds himself on a plane to the Vatican, he can practice some butt puckers or something.

God speed and well wishes, Father Torres. Let us know how it comes out.

By ThinkGoat

Houston, Texas  I’ve bitched and moaned about the judicial system allowing people to skate by on insanity pleas. I’ve always regarding “insanity” as a moot point for it can be argued that anyone committing some of the more heinous crimes are indeed, “insane”. Generally, I think it’s an easy out for some of these fuckers, those who know full-well what the hell they’ve done, know the consequences, and can act well enough to cop an easy deal spending time in a mental facility.

I wrote about one guy who’d murdered an old lady, set her on fire, and was found “insane”. He was further rewarded by earning day trips out with the other “containable” wards and one particular trip was to the County Fair where he was “insane” enough to slip away from the employees and go on the lamb for several days. That shit just pisses me the hell off. It happens time and time again, they spend their “time” in a play home and then some crackpot shrink petitions the courts saying they’re now cured of what ailed them and they’re out with no probation only to become a murderous, raping, fuckwad again.

And then there’s these two brothers. Twins. Their story has taught me there’s an exception…because I’m here to say you only have to look at these twins to realize they’re a little left of center and just knowing they stepped over their dead rotting mother for three months pretty much seals the deal.

Neighbors describe 89-year-old Sybile Berndt as a kind woman who always went out of her way to help others, who took care of her husband until he died of Alzheimer’s a few years ago, and who cared for her 48-year-old grown twin boys who were “oxygen deprived” at birth. When they hadn’t seen her about, when the yard started getting untidy, and when the boys were seen in the front yard with rat’s nests for hair and shabby beards, well, they started wondering what the hell was going on.

When they tried to call the house, the phone went unanswered. When they knocked upon the door, no one answered. Finally, one persistent and nosy neighbor received instructions about calling in a “wellness” check. I pity the cops who responded.

Edward Berndt

The detectives knocked upon the door and allege Edwin peeked out the window but did not immediately answer the door. The thing about retards, they don’t understand someone else’s persistence but their own. So the cops kept knocking. Edwin then appeared out of a side door, stating everything was fine and they didn’t need their help.

That didn’t work. The cops insisted on speaking with their mother and so Edwin had no choice but to oblige. And this is where shit gets a little wonky.

The boys claim Sybile had yelled at them during their game in January and had fallen on the floor. And three months later, that’s where she remained face down. On the floor. Nightgown pulled up under her armpits and no underwear. She wasn’t alone, though. After that time, with the aid of no air conditioning, she’d become host to a multitude of insects. (A gracious host to the very end)

She didn’t die instantly. Both boys claim she spoke to them from there on the floor the next day but since they didn’t think they had money for medical attention for her, they left her to die. Three days to die and three months to be transformed into one hell of a science project.

The authorities claim that smell was unbearable, especially with the atmospheric conditions in that house, being shuttered up all that time. Add onto that, if you possibly can, the fact the boys hadn’t showered during that entire time taking on an odor of their own…as well as hers. I’m sure she shared. That shit sticks onto you like you wouldn’t believe.

Edwin Berndt

Edward and Edwin were both arrested for murder and held without bond but neighbors, even when they found out what had been going on inside that home, claimed those boys shouldn’t have been held accountable. Why? Even though one attended the gifted program and both graduated from high school, they were profoundly retarded and couldn’t possibly take care of themselves, let alone take care of their mother. They simply didn’t have the intelligence to understand their mother’s death even though she lay there rotting in the foyer…even though they had to walk over her daily.

A cause of death was never determined.

On July 12, a grand jury convened and the twins were “no billed” meaning they would not face charges for the death of their mother. The courts assigned a guardian for Edward and Edwin and ordered the two into assisted living where they’ll hopefully get the help they need.

I think the Grand Jury made the right call. Clearly, had this been a malicious act, they would have drug her into a room with a door they could shut or at least, into the fridge. Especially since they ate nothing but junk food for those three months…that space would have been available.

I do have to wonder since they were aware of the day she died, the day after her 89th birthday, if they sang the obligatory song to her as she lay there all sprawled out. I would like to think they did.

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Central Falls, Rhode Island-Investigators are saying that three armed men broke down a door while a pregnant woman slept next to her son early in the morning on June 28th. The men then robbed the apartment and one of them raped the pregnant woman. But that was only part of the nightmare.

Since there is a minor child involved and not all of the sick bastards are caught police are not releasing the name of the victim in the case just yet. However, police Capt. James Mendonca said that the woman is in her 20′s and that she was forced at gunpoint into a bathroom during the robbery and raped. The woman is seven months pregnant.

She told a local news-station that her 9-year-old son saw “everything.” (What kind of sick freak does that to a pregnant woman, not alone her son? What were the other bastard robbers doing while he raped her?)

Mendonca said that the men took a game system and a television from the apartment but then added that the woman would not say if any drugs or guns were stolen as well. (I might not want to tell either since people tend to take you less seriously if they think you “deserved it.” Which no one deserves anything like this!) He also stated that none of the stolen items had been found but did not comment when asked about a possible motive.

“One suspect, Joiseth Osorio, 22, of Central Falls was arrested, charged, and later released. (Yes, I said released!) This sick fuck was charged with first-degree sexual assault, felony assault with a dangerous weapon, using a dangerous weapon during commission of a violent crime, breaking and entering, and possession of a firearm without a license,” Central Falls Police Chief Joseph  Moran said. (Notice how close the spelling of his last name is to moron? How could you release someone that took part in a violent home invasion robbery that ended with the rape of a pregnant woman in front of her son? What about a child abuse charge? Can we say danger to society here!?!)

The woman reported the rape at 3:10 am on Sunday, June 28th. She suffered minor bruises and abrasions (and some serious mental trauma) but was taken to the hospital where a rape kit was taken.  There was no report on the baby’s condition so one would assume that it is ok. I’m hoping that more arrests are coming!

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8-year-old Leiby Kletzky

By LadyJustice

Brooklyn, New York-The search for 8-year-old Leiby Kletzky was finally brought to an end early this morning. Police tracked down a man that they saw talking to him in a grainy surveillance tape just before he disappeared. That man turned out to be Levi Aron and when they asked him where the child was he nodded toward his kitchen. There the investigators discovered parts of the boy’s body in his refrigerator, bloody knives, a bloody cutting board, and lots of blood but that wasn’t the end of the story.The rest of little Leiby’s body was found in a Greenwood Heights autobody shop’s dumpster inside a plastic bag and a red suitcase. Aron has admitted to killing the boy stating that Leiby stopped him Monday while walking home from his summer day camp to ask for directions. This was the first time the boy had ever been allowed to walk home alone and he had apparently lost his way during the 7 block walk.

Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said that within 35 minutes of leaving the camp Leiby was already in the suspect’s 1990 Honda Accord. He also went on to state that Aron had made statements that he had taken the boy to his home. Later he had seen the fliers about the missing child that were plastered all over the Orthodox Jewish community. ”He saw the fliers, panicked and killed the boy,” said Kelly.

Investigators are saying that there was no sign of sexual assault and that Leiby was suffocated before he was dismembered. (Thank God he was already dead before that was started!) Aron has had no crimes against children in the past or arrest history other than one arrest for urinating in public. He lives alone in the same apartment building as his parents.

I think they’ll probably playing the insanity card since it’s not normal for someone to store their victim in their fridge and possibly even cannibalize them. I say I don’t care if he is insane, fry him! He can’t do anything but hurt children anyway!

This comes as a horrible end to a frantic search for this missing child that began on Monday. Leiby Kletzky disappeared while walking the 7 blocks to meet his mother and father after leaving Boyan Day Camp in Borough Park, Brooklyn. He was the only son to his parents.  The close-knit Orthodox community raked together a total of $125,000 as a reward for anyone that could lead them to the child. I don’t think there was anyone in the community that wasn’t out searching for this boy.

“This is the worst nightmare that can happen to anybody,” Rabbi Berish Freilich, a senior leader in Brooklyn’s Jewish community, said. He added that until now the Borough Park community was “very safe.”

I should add that the video says he hasn’t been arrested yet but he has now!

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