True Crime Exposure

Armand Pacher Gets Arrested for Sexing-Up Christie Brinkley

By ThinkGoat

Miami, Florida It’s not often a regular old insurance executive from Florida gets to hook-up with Supermodel Christie Brinkley and it’s not unusual for this sort of news to hit the wires. I mean, she’s been through 4 marriages and 4 divorces, she’s still in great shape – inquiring minds with a finger on the pulse of entertainment news jump on these stories. Especially when there are little tid-bits of very personal details revealed such as:  “She doesn’t seem to enjoy it as much when we have sex.” “Maybe it is because I haven’t been as energetic lately, and that’s why she’s not enjoying it.” Poor guy. But why tell this shit to the veterinary worker?

There are some people in this world who complete strangers feel comfortable enough to confide their deepest thoughts and secrets. I am one but it’s getting less frequent as I’ve learned how to handle these freaks. It’s all in “the look” coupled with maniacal laughter. As I grow older, I become less tolerant of those who feel compelled to reveal their innermost classified information. There are some times strangers can be amusing but it’s mostly chronic diarrhea of the mouth regarding all their ailments. I truly don’t care. And I can only imagine the staff member at this vet clinic, when merely calling to schedule an eye surgery for Armand Pacher’s Great Dane, quickly got an earful as he was laying his sexual problems upon their shoulders. Christie Brinkley was no longer satisfied with his sexual performance. Hell no she wasn’t. She had probably been feeling under-the-weather due to her eye problems but maybe that surgery would help spice up her sexual appetite.

Well, that is until the authorities got involved. There are laws against fucking Christie Brinkley. Who knew, right?

Upon examination, Pacher’s vet was able to determine Pacher’s Great Dane, Christie Brinkley showed signs of “non-canine forced sexual activity”. Armand Pacher (64) was arrested on animal cruelty charges alleging he had sex with his 2 1/2-year-old dog. Pacher’s attorney is claiming his client’s remarks were all a joke. Which part? That she wasn’t enjoying getting fucked lately? Or that Pacher had been less than energetic?

If convicted, Pacher could spend up to 5 years in prison.

Be smarter and a little more discreet while carrying out your sexual fantasies, guys. Buy an inflatable that you can hide in your closet when your buddies come to visit. Don’t get an animal, name it after some pretty celebrity, fuck it with wild imaginings of it being the real deal, and expect to get away with it. And if by chance you still feel compelled to sow your carnal needs with a 4-legged furry, don’t think vet assistants are prone to be armchair psychologists who’ll listen to your sexual woes with an objective ear and offer you advice. That shit only happens in the movies.

Source

Email ThinkGoat:  thinkgoat2@gmail.com

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4 responses

  1. Lazlo

    “She had probably been feeling under-the-weather due to her eye problems…”

    Dong! LMFAO!! That one came out of the blue TG. Great job. And, might I say, an uncommonly (for you) tactful way to say he was drilling his dog.

    July 20, 2010 at 7:01 am

  2. interesting

    If Armand gets jail time, he’ll be the bitch in prison.

    July 20, 2010 at 11:14 am

  3. This guy has taken the concept of throwing the dog a bone waaaayyyy too far.

    July 20, 2010 at 1:18 pm

  4. Chris Wyser-Pratte

    I’ve known Armand Pacher for over 40 years. He has a droll, off-color sense of humor and was never shy about it. Those of us who knew him in school or professionally (and he was very high up professionally) found him exceptionally smart and very funny; but I guess if you’re a Janet Reno-type prosecutor and your child rape prosecutions have run afoul of Dorothy Rabinowitz at the Wall St. Journal, it’s time to move on to greener pastures. Imagined animal rape seems to be a logical segue and nicely fills the bill. Seriously, they’ve ruined this man’s reputation and now that there’s no indictment where’s the “we’re sorry!”

    May 30, 2011 at 3:46 am

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